My Husband Might Be The Only Reason I'm Sane

If you read that title and thought it was a way to grab your attention, well, you'd only be partially right. I truly believe Chuck is the sole reason I haven't teetered off the edge into insanity. And even that might be generous. Just ask the sweet man, himself, about last night when he held onto me as I cried, "Don't leave me!" in a sleep-deprived, emotionally-overloaded breakdown. I couldn't even tell you why that was the phrase I chose to utter repeatedly for a solid 15 minutes, I plead half-asleep-ness as the root cause. The truth is, pregnancy hormones are no joke. And just as I started to feel cocky and immune from Psycho Pregnant Lady Syndrome, the constant bitch-slapping that life has been giving me lately, proved to be too much for this gal.

Chuck and I found out we were expecting in April. April 19, to be exact. So we've had a little over three months to grapple with the reality of our new circumstance. 

In that same amount of time, my father has been admitted and discharged from the hospital on three separate occasions. 

In that same amount of time, we found out Chuck's father is battling a very serious illness of his own.

In that same amount of time, my Grandma (whom is the person I admire the most in the world), had major surgery to fix an issue no one knew she had. She has struggled through severe pain and does not appear to be getting better.

An oldie, but seemed appropriate.

If I sound vague, it's because I'm being vague. I want to protect the privacy of my loved ones and don't feel it is my news to share. 

But as you may imagine, it's been an emotional few months for me. Baby Pep's timing is both a blessing as it continues to be a beacon of positivity and hope in the midst of the ickiness, but it is also a concern. My Grandma is over a 9-hour drive away and I don't know how much longer it will be safe for me to travel that distance (especially as I'll be driving solo).

And yet, when I call Chuck to vent and/or share the latest news I've received about a family member, he will drop what he's doing to be my listening ear. He does not always have the words, but he always shows up. He somehow intrinsically knows when I need a cuddle, when I need alone time and when I just need to have a good cry. 

This man is such a beautiful soul. 

And might be the only reason I'm sane. 

The Old Wives' Tales Say...

Our 20-week ultrasound is exactly one week from today. We cannot wait to find out the gender, but until then I've been entertaining myself by looking up the old wives' tales for predicting a baby's gender. Here's what they said:

Chinese Gender Chart: 

BOY

Using your age at conception, according to the lunar calendar, and the month you conceived the Chinese gender chart tells me we're having a boy!

Heart Rate: 

GIRL

Apparently, if baby's heart rate is below 140, you've got yourself a boy. At my last appointment, my midwife said I was in the 150-160 range. Must be a girl?

Parent History: 

GIRL

I found this one on BabyCenter. If you're the eldest child, you will have what your mother had, starting with her second child. I have one younger sister, so I'm thinking girl!

Mood: 

BOY

If you find yourself moody, apparently a little girl's hormones to blame. Having a little penis inside of you supposedly keeps you happy and balanced. I haven't been overly moody, but this one's just weird.

Dream of Sex: 

GIRL

This is another one found on BabyCenter. Apparently, whatever gender you dream about having, you'll actually have the opposite. I've only had one baby-related dream since finding out we were expecting. The baby was a boy...and he also had razor sharp teeth. Do with that what you will...

Morning Sickness: 

BOY

If your first trimester is more than a little rough, wisdom says you're carrying a girl. Considering Baby Pep has taken it very easy on me, this one is pointing to- boy.

Beauty Clues: 

GIRL

The legends say, a girl will steal your beauty. Well, this Mama has no pregnancy glow to speak of, and her skin is far from clear.

Hubby's Weight: 

BOY

If your partner starts packing on the pounds, you're more likely to have a girl. Chuck has been concentrating on getting healthier for baby and has actually lost weight. Could this mean boy?

Carrying Low/High: 

GIRL

It's been said that, if you're carrying high, you're most likely carrying a girl. Carrying low? Boy. Chuck's mom seems to think I'm carrying high- I'll take her word for it, since I have no idea how I'm carrying.

Baby Names and Mama's Intuition: 

GIRL

We have names picked out for both genders, but there's still a little uncertainty surrounding the boy name. They say, if you can only agree on names for one gender, it's more likely. I'm also leaning more toward girl, so who knows!

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So, basically, Old Wives Tales are just that. Tall tales. There's only one way to find out Baby Pep's gender and it's only a week away. 

Be sure to vote on what you think the gender will be on the poll on the sidebar!

18 Weeks (and Finally Caught Up!)

Baby Pep,

Well, your Mama has been begging you to show yourself and you certainly answered. I woke up Saturday morning and- BOOM! There you were! It's funny to see the picture your Daddy took of me because I don't look that big, but man, do I feel like it. There's no sucking this belly in!

Your Daddy and I just wrapped up a terrific weekend- we rearranged our bedroom, organized the house, went to Church (for the first time in ages- your parents are clearly heathens), went to my company picnic and then had a family dinner with the Stuckerts. At the picnic, one of my co-workers asked me about what she had seen on Facebook, to which I replied, "That I'm knocked up?! Yup!" I feel like I'm coming off the wrong way when I talk about our news. What is meant to be humor to cover up my fear and insecurities, is being perceived as callous and uncaring. I don't want people to think I'm going to be a terrible mother, or worse yet, that I just don't care. But it's hard to seriously say the words, "I'm pregnant," because it makes it so much more real. And I'm scared that if I don't beat someone to the punchline, they're going to figure out just how un-maternal and inadequate I actually am. 

I tell ya, the physical side of this pregnancy has been a breeze. But the mental and psychological adjustments I've been forced to make have been no walk in the park.

Baby Pep, I admit that life with me will probably not be perfect. I'm going to be cranky when you keep me up at night. And I can't guarantee that I'll handle birthday parties with 10 of your friends well at all (groups of children are among my greatest fears!), but I promise that I'm going to love you, because you're ours. I love and cherish your Daddy so much and I can't wait to show you that same love.

Love,

Mommy

Catching Up: 17 Weeks

Written July 15, 2014

Baby Pep,

Man, I wish you would show yourself! Right now, you're just present enough to make it impossible to suck in my usual food baby, but not enough to actually look like a pregnant lady! I was telling your Daddy yesterday that I was worried I wasn't gaining enough weight. Apparently, my fears were in vain because holy moly! Today? Your Mama wants to eat!

Our 20-week appointment is scheduled for Monday, August 4 and we can't stinkin' wait! It's the first appointment your Daddy will be able to go to and there's the added bonus of finding out whether you're a boy or girl! I always thought I wouldn't want to find out because I hate the idea of ascribing my unborn child a personality based on society's gender norms and expectations. If you're a girl who loves monster trucks or a boy who loves ballet, both your Daddy and I want that for you. We want you to be who you are without pressure and expectation. That being said, now that this is real for us, we can't wait to know. We want to begin to picture life with a wee lad or lass. Mommy will likely still dress you in totally gender-neutral attire, but the truth is- we want to know you, Baby Pep!

Until then, Baby Pep, lots of love to you. Your Mommy is starting to get over her anxieties and become more and more excited about you. We're going to have lots of fun, you and I :)

Love,
Mommy

Mama just got done eating a LOT of Chinese food when this was taken! Whoops!

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P.S. Have any guesses as to what Baby Pep will be? Vote in the poll on my top right sidebar! 

How We Announced (Or Didn't...)

Despite the fact that I post my innermost thoughts for the entire world to see, I'm weirdly a kind of private person. Or maybe it's not that I'm private, but absolutely loathe being the center of attention. I haven't made any kind of official announcement at work- my co-workers have just found out about my pregnancy because we work in an open office and eavesdropping just inevitably happens. I also didn't want to make any kind of Facebook-official announcement because I figured all the important people in our life would already know so it really wasn't necessary to proclaim it to high school classmates I haven't talked to in years. 

I wanted to make sure my extended family found out in a cute, personal way (i.e. not through social media), so I asked one of my best friends if she'd be willing to shoot some pictures of Chuck and I so we could send out an official announcement to our loved ones who weren't already in the know. Typical, gracious Rachel was happy to oblige and we asked her if she'd be willing to photograph us at our favorite Ohio spot, Branstrator Farm, where we were married way back in 2012. Even though I had almost 200 amazing ones to choose from, these are my favorites:

 And true to form, we couldn't escape without some ridiculous blooper shots:

It was nearly impossible to narrow it down, but in the end our families received a beautiful, Christmas-themed announcement courtesy of Shutterfly:

Catching Up: 15/16 Weeks

Written July 3, 2014

Baby Pep,

There's a lot happening this week! On Monday, I went to my second midwife appointment. I wound up switching offices because I didn't like the vibe at the first one I went to, plus, although it was closer to work, it was over an hour away from home. I didn't like the idea of going into labor in the dead of winter and having to drive over an hour to bring you into the world! Suffice it to say, that I'm so glad I made the switch! I felt so comfortable with the midwife I met with and she let me hear your healthy little heartbeat again. The only thing that's strange at this point has been my weight fluctuation. My pre-pregnancy weight was around 134, at my 9-week appointment I had ballooned up to 142 and then at 15 weeks I was down to 128. How in the course of 6 weeks did I manage to lose 14 lbs and not notice?! She assured me that as long as I was eating healthfully, that I had nothing to worry about.

I've also really been looking forward to showing you off on the beach next week. It's vacation time and your Daddy and I are headed to Cape May for a week of sun and fun with our family and friends! There's only one problem- you're still not showing yet! I was hoping I would look pregnant by now, but nope, just my regular ol' extra baby fat. I'm giving you a week, little one- please make yourself known so I feel slightly better about donning my pre-pregnancy bikinis!

Getting excited for you, little Pep. Until next week...

Love,

Mommy

Becoming a Mommy Blogger

I'm sorry guys, really, I am. I know my blog has been 99.9% fetus-related lately, but I promise it won't be this way forever...once I catch up on all my past "bumpdates," that is. I have a feeling this blogging journey is about to get interesting with baby on the way. I'm about to become a Mommy blogger due to the simple fact that I'm about to become a Mommy. This blog has never been topic-focused. I'm certainly not very fashionable, crafty or culinarily-inclined. It has simply been a reflection of my journey. And as I prepare to take this terrifying leap into the unknown, it's inevitable that my blog will reflect that just as it's reflected my study abroad travels, my employment ventures and my love life.

That being said, I also don't want to become the person who in the process of becoming Mom, manages to lose herself completely. I feel like it's a major commonality in a lot of the blogs I've followed that once a woman gives birth she becomes a parent and her former roles as a wife, student, employee, sister, friend, etc. cease to exist. I am someone who is fiercely independent, passionate and ambitious and I hope my life (and my blog) continues to reflect that post-delivery.

There will be baby pictures aplenty and at least a thousand pleas to the sage wisdom of the ladies who have gone before me and conquered this seemingly impossible task, but I still want to be me.

I hope you stick with me as I become a Mommy blogger. I promise to try not to be too obnoxious :)

Catching Up: 13/14 Weeks

Written June 23, 2014

Baby Pep,

Mama couldn't get her act together to post two separate weeks, so 13/14 weeks will have to do. We made it- we're in the second trimester, baby! It's such a relief to know that you're pretty much safe and sound in there now. You've been so easy on me, that sometimes I have this surreal moment where I totally forget that you're real. I have to remind myself that I really did hear your heartbeat at 9 weeks and you are in fact, a living, moving, growing little person inside my belly.

Now that the second trimester is upon us, I've made more of an effort to get off the couch and start workin' on ma fitness! I want both of us to be healthy, wee one, so I've been taking you on long walks on the local bike trails and even took you for a short jog on the nearby college track. I didn't know if I'd feel up to running at all since I've effectively sat on my butt since my race almost two months ago, but I ran a full mile and walked about two so I think it's safe to say, we can do this!

My pregnancy app tells me that you're the size of a cupcake, but you'd never know it by looking at me! I can't wait for you to start making your appearance known because right now, I just look bloated! Anywho, I'll write again soon, little one.

Love,
Mommy

Don't be deceived- it's still just bloat!

Catching Up: 12 Weeks

Written June 16, 2014

Baby Pep,

Once again, your Mama-to-Be is behind in posting, and I'm writing this at 13 weeks! Last week was a whole lot of blah. I stayed home sick one day and then had to leave early the next because I threw up while visiting with a client! Thankfully, I made it to my car before they saw, but man, this heat is getting to your Mama! I feel like I'm ever-so-slowly coming to peace with the fact that I'm going to be your Mommy. There are times (let's be honest, the majority of the time) when I'm completely terrified by the prospect of your existence. But every so often, I get a moment of peace when I feel okay about things. These moments typically occur when I have had time to reflect on how great your Daddy is going to be once you arrive.

His presence in my life is such a calming, reassuring force. Even when words fail him, his actions speak louder. He is so incredibly excited for you, Baby Pep, and his excitement makes me feel like everything is going to work out exactly as it's supposed to. You didn't happen because of meticulous planning by your Daddy and I. Like every other wonderful thing in my life, you happened because of God's miraculous and perfect timing.

Thanks for taking it easy on me for the most part. I can't promise to be comfortable with the idea of you and the change you'll bring to our lives in the snap of a finger. But I do promise to love you as best as I possibly can. You've been good to your Mama, so far, and I can't wait to return the favor ;)

Love,

Mommy

Don't be fooled, still no bump. Mama's just having trouble sucking in her gut these days!

Catching Up: 11 Weeks

Written June 4, 2014

Baby Pep,

Well, baby, you broke my streak. I made it 11 weeks without throwing up once. I've been feeling like a bump on a log lately and really wanted to get back into exercising so both you and I are healthy! I figured mowing the lawn would be the perfect way to slowly get back into a more active lifestyle. You did not agree. I mowed for about an hour, came in and took a shower, and then instantly felt horrible. Your Daddy and I laid in bed watching re-runs of The Office, until Mommy started hurling her insides into the trash can I had smartly thought to place beside the bed. Your Daddy ran around the house frantically trying to figure out what he could do to help me while I expelled everything I ate that day. Not pleasant.

I guess I should just be thankful that this was only the first time that happened. I also need to be more conscious about staying hydrated in this hot weather and making sure not to push myself too hard! I have a Pregnancy Yoga DVD on the way and Daddy has promised to do some with me. I think that'll be the perfect way to ease my way into a healthy lifestyle!

Both Daddy and I are looking forward to this weekend. Your Mama's good friend Rachel is going to take some pictures for us so we can send an announcement to our friends and family. We're going back to Branstrator Farm where we were married. What a perfect way to come full circle! 

So excited to watch you grow, little one. Thanks for taking it easy on your Mom ;)

Love, 

Mommy

Catching Up: 10 Weeks

Written May 27, 2014

Baby Pep,

We did it! We finally told your grandparents! It was such a relief to unload the burden of keeping this secret from the parents whom we love so much. Since your Grandma and Grandpa on your Mommy’s side ride motorcycles, we nonchalantly gave them a book I had “found at a thrift store” entitled Grandma Loves Her Harley Too. Because Grandpa Kenny has two grandchildren, she didn’t think much of it until she flipped to the dedication page which read, “Can’t wait to read this with you, Grandma! Love, Baby Stuckert (Due December 2014).” The look of complete shock on your Grandma’s face was priceless. I so wish we had been able to capture it, but we didn’t want cameras to spoil the surprise!

 Shortly after we told your Grandma and Grandpa, we headed over to your Nonnie and Papaw’s (Daddy’s side) house for a cookout with the whole family. We gave them a bottle of wine with a customized label that read, “Drink this for me, I’ll join you soon. Baby Stuckert due December 2014.” Both your Nonnie and Papaw, instantly welled up when they read the bottle and it was such a joy-filled night having both sides of the family together to celebrate, eat delicious food and just rejoice in their time together.

There was a small part of me that was nervous to tell your Grandma and Grandpa. They were one of the biggest proponents of “waiting to have kids” so I was unsure of how they would respond. In hindsight, it seems so silly that I felt that way, because they couldn’t have been happier to hear about you. Your Grandma really relieved some of my fears about the financial aspect of bringing you into the world, as that’s been my biggest concern from the day we found out about you. In her words, “no one has money when they have kids!” She has a point. It won’t be easy, but we’ll make it work and we have the love and support of two tremendous families to help ease the burden.

The remainder of our Memorial Day weekend was spent at our friend Jon’s Strawberry and Asparagus Festival (the same farm where we got married!), window-shopping for baby clothes at the nearby outlet mall and just spending some good ol’ fashioned time together. It was the best weekend we’ve had in a long time and your Daddy and I couldn’t possibly feel more blessed.

Love,

Mommy

Guess Who's Back

Wow, what a way to return! I'm so over-the-moon thankful for every sweet, loving, supportive comment that was left over the past week while I tried to catch-up on my "bumpdates." If you read any one of my Week 5-8 letters, you probably caught on that this has been a definite, surreal experience since we first found out in April. Even if we had actually planned for this to happen, I don't think it still would be any less of  a shock. I honestly can't picture myself as a Mom so it was my hope that by writing to Baby Pep, s/he might over time, become a little more real to me. And hopefully, one of these days, I'll feel that Mommy-Baby connection.

For the last week, Chuck and I were checked out as we spent a week on the beach in my family's favorite place: Cape May, NJ. Mom and sister met us down there and we spent every day relaxing and playing in the ocean, shopping, and eating our weight in seafood. Very little documentation actually occurred as I was focusing on being present and tuning out the everyday buzz that I left behind in Ohio. It was a much-needed break, but I am so happy to be back in my little home in my little town.

I was able to meet up with my college besties the first day we were down tha' shore, Chuck and I went for a morning rollerblading trip down the boardwalk and the highlight of our week was when Chuck and I had our own little dinner date at this place called Elaine's that does a nightly dinner theater. Chuck just so happened to be seated right in the line of fire and may have gotten teased once or twice throughout the performance.

It was the first time in a long time that Hubby and I had so much undivided time together and it truly reminded us of how much we adore each other's company. He's my bestie fo' life and I couldn't imagine a better partner for this journey than him.

P.S. Stay tuned for more letters to baby this week as I try to get all caught up!

Catching Up: 9 Weeks

Written May 21, 2014

Baby Pep,

I saw you, I finally saw you! You're just a little peanut right now, but Mommy got to hear your heartbeat at her first appointment two days ago and she'd be lying if she said she didn't well up a little. Your Daddy debated whether or not to come to the appointment, but I persuaded him not to, because I knew they were most likely just going to be asking me about my medical history and I wanted him to save his personal time for more exciting appointments down the road. In hindsight, I wish he had come so he could have heard your little heartbeat, too!

This is a big week for us- not only did I meet my potential midwife (though I wasn't super crazy about how rushed I felt so I might try out a different office), but this is the weekend we're going to tell your grandparents! Your Grandma and Grandpa are coming down to visit for Memorial Day weekend and we have a cute idea of how to break the news. Then we're hoping to go over to your Papaw and Nonnie's house and surprise them, as well, with a very special bottle of wine. I'm so nervous and anxious to break the news- I just want our secret to be out in the open!

Wish me luck, baby Pep! You are going to be so, so loved by your family.

Love,

Mommy

This shirt is deceiving- no bump yet!

Catching Up: 8 Weeks

Written May 21, 2014

Baby Pep,

I'm a little behind in writing this week's letter. You're tiring your Mama OUT! This past weekend Daddy and I did our best to clean your future home from top to bottom. Your Grandma and Grandpa are coming to visit next weekend for Memorial Day and we're planning to share the big news with them! When I say your Daddy and I cleaned, mostly I mean that your Daddy cleaned while I took frequent rests in between loads of laundry. Some days I feel totally normal, and the next I'm ready to toss my cookies!

I started thinking more this week about the possibility of you being a boy. And you know what? I actually got excited! I would love to raise up a boy who loves his Mama and knows how to treat a lady right. And with the example set by your Daddy, I have no doubts that you could one day be a perfect gentleman. 

Well, I'll keep it at that, since I've got a 9 week letter to write!

Love,

Mommy

Catching Up: 7 Weeks

Written May 6, 2014.

Baby Pep,

I owe you an apology. I've been so distracted by my physical symptoms and by the pragmatic realities of what you are going to mean for our family, that I've refused to acknowledge you as a person. As a little being growing inside of me. I watched a movie a couple night's ago called What to Expect When You're Expecting. It's a movie I really enjoy and have seen countless times previously. This time, it was the first time I've watched it since you were a reality in my life. And I cried. Throughout the entire movie. I cried especially, as Elizabeth Banks' character broke down and talked about the difficulties associated with making a human. I'm only 7 weeks in, and I have to say, I'm not particularly enjoying this process. I don't blame you. I know that this is just what happens. But honestly, I feel like I a hostage.

I am a hostage to my fears, to my physiological changes and a hostage to my emotions. I've always been a sensitive person, but I cannot seem to tone down the waterworks. I don't feel normal. I am sick, tired, and ready to weep at the drop of a hat. I am not one of those ladies with the magic pregnancy glow. In truth, I'm kind of miserable.

So I want to apologize, Baby Pep. One of these days, maybe once my belly starts to grow, it's all going to click. I'm going to realize that you are a person. You are a result of your Daddy and my crazy, over-the-moon love for each other, and when it clicks, I will rejoice. You are going to change our lives. You didn't come when we expected you to, but one of these days, it will click. And your Daddy and I are going to be so blessed by your presence in our life.

I'm not quite there, baby. But I will be.

Love,

Mommy

Catching Up: 6 Weeks

Written May 1, 2014

Baby Pep (your new nickname derived from "Baby Peppercorn"),

Oh, baby Pep. I so badly want to be excited for you. I see videos and pictures of Mamas and their babies and I wish I had that same love. That same joy. That same connection. I know it's still early, but I fear that I'll never feel that way. I'm not maternal! And that bothers me. I want to be natural with children, but I'm not. 

As I mentioned before, you were a surprise to your Daddy and I. If we had it our way, we probably would have waited a couple more years to bring you into the world. When we felt like we could better provide for your material needs. When we felt more mature, well-traveled and ready for the next phase in our lives.

I'm so scared, Baby Pep. I don't feel ready for you. There is one thing that keeps coming up in the back of my mind when my fear threatens to overtake me. Several months ago, I was talking to your Grandma as she recalled giving birth to me. She said she was so scared after my delivery that when the nurses asked if she wanted to hold me, she repeatedly told them 'no.' Eventually, they forced me upon her and as she sat there cradling my tiny little body, she thought, "Well, this isn't so bad." 

You may not know this about your Grandma, but she's about as comfortable around other peoples' kids as your dear Mama is. So this story brings me immense comfort.

I've been thinking, too about who I want you to be. And who your Daddy and I will be as parents. I know you're not supposed to have a preference, and just wish for a healthy baby, but I'm really hoping you're a girl. For a lot of reasons, 1. Because your Grandma gave me four huge storage containers of outfits and things from when your Mommy was just a baby, 2. Because I just feel more comfortable with the idea of being a girl parent, 3. Because the girl name I have wanted forever means the world to me and 4. Because your Daddy would be the world's best girl Daddy.

I think about how I lacked a strong father figure and how much it impacted me. As much as I'm all for feminism and gender equality, I think Daddies teach their baby girls how to love and be loved. They teach them that they are special, worthy and deserving of a man who treats them with respect. While I admit, I'm biased- Your Daddy is the world's best husband. He treats me like a queen and I can't wait for you to learn through his example. I know if you turn out to be a little girl, he'll be wrapped around your tiny little finger.

Well, I guess I should wrap this up. Just know that I am going to be the best darn Mama I can be for you, little one.

Love,

Mommy

Catching Up: 5 Weeks

Written April 23, 2014

Baby Peppercorn (as we’re affectionately calling you based on your size),

We’ve known about you for just five days now and it still seems surreal. I feel like virtually the least maternal woman on the planet and am scared about my inadequacies as a possible parent. “Scared” is a pretty good descriptor of where I’m at now. Daddy and I were planning to wait to start making little ones until we were more financially stable, but apparently God had other plans. I know that I never would have felt “ready” so perhaps it’s better this way. Our little surprise J

I called an OB/GYN office near work that has a midwife on staff. Honestly, pregnancy fascinates me so I’d been doing my research long before Daddy and I found out about you. I like the idea of natural birth- just have no idea if I have the pain tolerance to pull it off! The appointment isn’t until May 19 which seems like an eternity away. It’s impossible to focus on anything when I have no idea what’s going on in my little bloated tummy.

I’m also a little concerned about my upcoming Quarter Marathon next weekend. I’ve been training for two months and don’t want to overexert myself. The experts say as long as I keep hydrated you and I will be safe so I’m trying to reassure myself.

One of these days, I’ll be happy and excited and gleeful as I await your arrival. But for now, I have to be honest, I feel so incapable and undeserving of being your Mama. I hope I don’t let you down, little one.

Love,

Mommy

The 4th, Vacation and Baby Things!

My sister and I in Cape May circa 1993.

Happy 4th of July, bloggy friends!

First of all, thank you so much for all the love you shared with me yesterday regarding our news! The last few months have been an emotional whirlwind to say the least, so I am so grateful of the support.

Today, I will be sending this blessed national holiday with friends. Chuck and I are hosting a get-together at our place this evening, which consequently has a perfect view of the fireworks set to go off in the park across the street. After a night filled with patriotic fun with our loved ones, we'll be taking off first thing in the morning for a week-long family vacation in my favorite place in the world- Cape May, New Jersey.

Something tells me you might want to stick around, though. 

Big things have been happening around these parts and I plan to take advantage of my week away to start getting caught up to speed.

I'm off to the beach, don't wait up! ;)

Never Throw Out the Instructions for a Pregnancy Test

Written April 21, 2014.

For the last two weeks, my nipples have been hard as rocks. Okay, sorry I should have warned you all that that was coming. I would go for a run and my nipples were in so much physical pain that I winced when my sports bra rubbed against them. It was weird, but I didn't think much of it, thinking it was just a symptom of my race training.

When my period was four days late, I also didn't think much of it, because when my period was nearly a week late a few months ago, it wound up being a false alarm. So when I woke up Saturday morning and headed straight to the bathroom for my morning pee, I lackadaisically thought I'd use the pregnancy test I had leftover in our medicine cabinet from a few months before.

I did my business, waited and saw two very distinct pink lines.

Panic.

I had thrown out the box and instructions to the test to save space and had no idea what two pink lines meant on this particular test! I ran to our computer, my heart beating a mile a minute to Google what the heck two pink lines meant on an "Answer" pregnancy test. Just as I was scrolling through the results, Chuck started knocking on the front door. He had stayed up late hanging out with his family and spent the night at their house to avoid driving under the influence and he chose this moment, of all moments, to have his sister drop him off at our house.

I swung open the door, eyes wide as saucers, and proclaimed, "I'M FREAKING OUT!" Chuck looked terrified as he tried to access the situation and figure out what had me panicked. I ran to the bathroom, showed him the test and said, "I think it's positive."

Various obscenities were muttered and then Chuck responded, "Can [my sister] borrow Season 3 of Sex and the City?"

"That's your response?! Can we focus on the situation at hand, please?"

"Well, she's waiting outside."

"Well then, yes. Give her the whole damn series. Just get her out of here!"

I shoved the stack of DVDs into his hands and went back to my computer. The result was positive, it was definitely positive. How did this happen? I mean, I know how it happened, but...how did this happen?

Months previously we had "tried" and nothing. Soon after that, when our finances got a little rough, we decided we were going to wait a few years until we felt more stable. So we stopped trying. And yet, here we were, two pink lines in hand.

Once Chuck came back in, we decided we needed to get a more accurate pregnancy test. We assembled a grocery list (which took forever, as we couldn't stop swearing and freaking out- totally suitable future parents...) and made our way to the local grocery store to stock up on smoothie ingredients, organic meats, and oh yeah, the test that was going to reveal to us whether our life was about to change forever.

Following our grocery trip, where we somehow remained surprisingly calm, we hurried home, unpacked the groceries and I decided to take a little cat nap until I felt the urge to go. When I awoke, Chuck sent me straight to the bathroom again to try for Round #2. I remembered reading that testing in the morning is your best bet for accurate results because your pee is more concentrated. So I wasn't expecting the same results in the afternoon with my watered down stuff. Sure enough, I sat on the toilet and Chuck and I watched as the digital hourglass slowly changed to the word "Pregnant."

It was for real this time. We were seriously pregnant.

I promptly texted my sister, because hello, I had to tell somebody and this was the picture that accompanied the text:

I had just woken up from an afternoon nap- hello, pregnancy fatigue.

> > >

Today, we are 15 weeks pregnant. And yes, we are still wearing those faces.

22 Months as Mrs.

I've been doing these marriage update posts for almost two years and this is the first that I considered skipping altogether. Truth be told, I am both in a blogging rut and in a place where I don't feel like there is anything new to say about my relationship with Chuck. I am so proud of my Hubby and I as our two year anniversary rapidly approaches. And even after two years, it never ceases to amaze me that this is actually my life.

I never pictured myself as a the girl who fell in love. As the hopeless romantic. As the girl who was lucky enough to marry her best friend. And yet here I am. I am fiercely independent, at times antisocial and plain and simply, a brat 99% of the time. But two years in and my Hubby still adores me and suffice it to say that the feeling is mutual. My introverted, hermitty tendencies have made it nearly impossible to be around people constantly without me getting sick of them. There were even times in college when my very best friends in the world became sources of annoyance to me. I am not always an easy person to live with.

Somehow or another, 22 months in, and I have yet to get sick of sharing this life with Chuck. He is a far better man than I ever could have dreamt for myself and blessed doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about getting to travel this journey with him by my side. 

I am so thankful to him for giving me space and freedom when I need it.

For catering to my every (spoiled) whim.

For being a constant source of positivity in my life.

For treating me with the utmost respect every single day (even when the favor is not returned).

Chuck is a far better husband to me than I will ever be able to be as his wife. I just hope not a day goes by when he doesn't think I take that for granted.

I love you, Boo Bear. Happy 22 Months :)

Summer 2014 Reading Challenge: Check-In

Way back in April, I signed up to participate in Megan's Semi-Charmed Summer Reading Challenge. I'd seen her challenges in the past, but always let them pass me by. Reading challenges always make me a little wary because I'm the kind of person who chooses what I want to read based on however I feel at that particular time. I can't force myself to read something I'm not in the mood for. But this challenge seemed to allow for a lot more personal freedom, plus there was the added bonus of a built-in point system so I could appease my inner competitor. 

I posted my Preliminary List at the end of April for this May-August challenge and so far this is where I stand in points:

via

5 points: Freebie! Read any book that is at least 200 pages long.- The One and Only, Emily Giffin, 432 pages (Completed May 31, 2014)

10: Read a book from the children’s section of the library or bookstore.- Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, J.K. Rowling, 310 pages (Completed June 1, 2014)

15: Read a book that is on The New York Times' Best Sellers List when you begin reading it.- A Call to Action, Jimmy Carter, 224 pages (Currently reading)

20: Read a book that was/will be adapted to film in 2014. (Here are 16 ideas to get you started, but I know there are plenty more options.)- This Is Where I Leave You, Jonathan Tropper, 352 pages (Completed June 29, 2014)

25 points: Read a biography, autobiography or memoir.- Uganda Be Kidding Me, Chelsea Handler, 255 pages) Completed June 29, 2014)

PREVIOUS POINTS: 5
TOTAL POINTS: 60

I read another book in June that doesn't fit into any category so that put me behind, but we leave for our family vacation on July 6, so I'm thinking lots of beach reading will get me closer to the challenge total of 200 points. Here's hoping!