Written April 23, 2014
Baby Peppercorn (as we’re affectionately calling you based on your size),
We’ve known about you for just five days now and it still seems surreal. I feel like virtually the least maternal woman on the planet and am scared about my inadequacies as a possible parent. “Scared” is a pretty good descriptor of where I’m at now. Daddy and I were planning to wait to start making little ones until we were more financially stable, but apparently God had other plans. I know that I never would have felt “ready” so perhaps it’s better this way. Our little surprise J
I called an OB/GYN office near work that has a midwife on staff. Honestly, pregnancy fascinates me so I’d been doing my research long before Daddy and I found out about you. I like the idea of natural birth- just have no idea if I have the pain tolerance to pull it off! The appointment isn’t until May 19 which seems like an eternity away. It’s impossible to focus on anything when I have no idea what’s going on in my little bloated tummy.
I’m also a little concerned about my upcoming Quarter Marathon next weekend. I’ve been training for two months and don’t want to overexert myself. The experts say as long as I keep hydrated you and I will be safe so I’m trying to reassure myself.
One of these days, I’ll be happy and excited and gleeful as I await your arrival. But for now, I have to be honest, I feel so incapable and undeserving of being your Mama. I hope I don’t let you down, little one.