#tbt: Four Months Sober (April 30, 2014)

Because I currently can't get it together to post new content, why not give a second life to some of my archived posts? 

Ironically, this post was written a year ago today. I was four months sober (and also 4 weeks pregnant!)

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Back in December, I wrote about my "resolution" to abstain from alcohol for awhile. I don't make really make New Years' resolutions, but I was making a commitment that happened to coincide with the New Year. It's been four months since New Years' eve and I haven't been under the influence since. That isn't to say a drop of alcohol hasn't touched my lips since then, but I think the most I've had is a half a beer since I cut out the cocktails.

And you know what? I don't miss it.

I had several reasons for my choice:

 1. For me, alcohol = truth serum. For good and for bad. I have no filter when I drink, which can be a good thing because I'm not someone who normally just blurts out what's on my mind. But nobody takes a drunk, emotional Kaity seriously. And that bothered me. I want the words that come out of my mouth to matter. 

2. I began to figure out that the setting for my binge-drinking was always the same: in a large group of people. I realized that this was no coincidence, I was drinking in these scenarios because I was uncomfortable. I have minor social anxiety and don't do well in big crowds of people, so in these instances, alcohol was a coping mechanism. I was drinking to function. Which I didn't like. I don't want to drink because I feel like I have to.

3. Hangovers. I am not someone who handles alcohol well. My husband, can knock 12 beers back in a night and be up and at 'em the next morning. Me? I have two and am sick as a dog the next day. Whatever fun I may have had the night before was totally not worth the wasted day after.

I've never been a huge drinker anyway (well, except for that one summer in college...), but ridding myself of the stuff altogether has been a great relief for me. 

I may be the wet blanket, sober friend. But hey, it beats being the drunk girl who cries at everything!

Blogger Love v.7

Although my brain has been entirely too drained to articulate anything I've been thinking these days, I haven't been completely absent from BloggyLand. I've still been reading and trying to keep up with my favorites, so here are the best posts you may have missed in the last couple weeks:

If I Could Make an Honest Baby Registry by Poverty Luxe | Groceries? Check. Housecleaning? Check. Wine? CHECK. 

On Blogging and Voice and Writing about Real Life by The Life of Bon | I constantly struggle with how much to share on my cyberspace. I tend to forget that real-life people read this and have, on more than one occasion, had to put my foot in my mouth after over-sharing something that I had no business saying. Love that this is something I'm not the only blogger to wrestle with.

Going (Back) Up on a Monday by Nestfull | For those of you who may not be aware, Jena was the voice behind Recently Roached. That is, until she decided to bow out in favor of spending her days with new baby, Sawyer (how selfish of her!). I died a little inside the day that Jena killed her blog so I nearly cried tears of joy to see that she had re-joined the blogging world. If you haven't read her posts before, do it- she's hilarious.

Vivian's Birth Story (Part II) by The Newly | I will never pass up a good birth story.

Summer 2015 Book Challenge: Preliminary List

As evidenced by my lack of presence in the blogging world, life is just a tad bit busy these days. I was doing great with my book challenge progress while on maternity leave, but now that I'm back to work? Fugetta 'bout it. 

I have realistic expectations about Megan's Summer Book Challenge, but I figured I'd assemble some kind of Preliminary List to get myself motivated! If I read one of these books, I'll call it a win.

5 points: Freebie! Read any book that fits the general rules. | Down the Rabbit Hole by Holly Madison 

10 points: Read a book you have never heard of before. (Just go to a shelf and pick a book based on the cover, the title, whatever you want!) | I Don't Know What You Know Me From by Judy Greer 

10 points: Read a book that has been on your TBR list for at least two years. |  Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers 

10 points: Read a book that won a Goodreads “Best Book” award in 2014. | We Were Liars by E. Lockhart 

15 points: Read a book by an author who is completely new to you. | The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster 

15 points: Read a book by an author you have read before. (No re-reads for this one.) | Scary Close by Donald Miller 

15 points: Read a book with "light" or "dark" in the title. (Or "lightness" or "darkness.") | The Christmas Light by Donna VanLiere (Another book I've needed to review forever!) 

20 points: Read a book with the name of a city, state or country in the title. | Looking for Alaska by John Green 

20 points: Read a book with an animal on the cover. | The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy by Rachel Joyce 

25 points: Read a book that is part of a series with at least four books. | The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith

25 points: Read a book that is longer than 500 pages long. — Submitted by winter finisher Kristen from See You in a Porridge. Outlander by Diana Gabaldon 

30 points: Read a book with an alliterative title. (All words in the title must begin with the same letter; no exceptions for articles or prepositions. Examples: Gone Girl or Nicholas Nickleby. Yes, this is tough, which is why it's worth the most points!) Summer Sisters by Judy Blume

As you may have noticed, none of these are particularly intellectually-challenging reads. But that's not exactly the type of material I'm looking for these days. A quick, light-hearted read is about all I can commit to- so what do you think? Have you read any of my picks?  

Life Lately (Or Why I'm Not Doing the Mom Guilt Thing)

Ahhh...returning to this blinking cursor is the emotional equivalent of sticking my toes in the sand. It feels good to be back. I need some rejuvenation and to process some of the things that have been going on in my head. I returned to work, nearly a month ago and I've written one quality post since then. I never wanted to become the Mom that deserted her passion when the demands of parenthood kicked in, but alas, here I am, in all of my spit-up covered Mommy glory.

Life has been challenging lately. I've always done the work of two people at my job, so it would be challenging to get caught up if I was in the office 5 days a week, but I'm not. My employer is allowing me to come in 4 days a week as I acclimate to this Mom gig, and I don't for a second feel guilty about seizing that opportunity.

My house is a mess. And I don't say that in a fake-modest kind of way. It's legitimately disgusting. The floors haven't been vacuumed in about a month, dirty dishes sit in my sink and there is stuff.everywhere. A chaotic house makes for a chaotic mind and that's kind of where I'm at right now. But I'm not beating myself up about it. I'm busy, damnit. Do I like living in a pigsty? Hell no. Do I acknowledge that I have a new person to take care of, a job to do well, and a need for some occasional me time after a long day? You bet. 

Since becoming a Mom I have become acutely aware of this culture of Mom guilt. I'm not even allowing myself to go there. A couple months ago I read Bringing Up Bebe and it totally set the foundation for my evolving parenting philosophy. I will not make myself feel guilty. I will not be a martyr. My husband and baby come first. But I deserve time for myself too. It doesn't make me a bad mom to crave some time to relax and unwind. In fact, it might just make me a better one. I am not going to be the Mom that caters to my child's every whim and loses myself in the process. I am still a person and I deserve happiness, as well. 

This idea of giving myself grace is kind of new to me. I've always been suuuuuper good at dwelling in guilt. But seriously- I am too tired to keep it up. Grace and coffee are all that sustains me during this season of my life. So yeah, do I wish I was able to bounce back to my pre-pregnancy weight? A little. But right now, my body is still being leased out by a little growing boy who needs it more than I do. Breastfeeding is my current focus so I'm really not in a huge hurry to get back to where I was. The time will come when Charlie starts to wean himself, and I will get serious about an intense exercise regime. Until then, I'm going to love my squishy body the way it is and thank God that I have been blessed enough to use it for the nourishment of my baby. There are no self-deprecating remarks to be had here. My body is a temple both at 125 lbs and at 140. 

I guess that's all that I wanted to say. Or all that I could muster up during nap time (while I should probably be picking up the living room- but like I said, no guilt here). I'm thankful to always have this space to come back to, and even more thankful to have a weird little cyber community of friends and supporters who keep coming back to it while I'm just a tad bit flighty.

Thanks for the grace, my friends. And if I may say so- try giving yourself some more of it. It's incredibly liberating. 

Blogger Love v.6

Another week has come and gone and I've been totally unable to hit that "publish" button. Not for lack of desire- I have post ideas up the wazoo sitting in my drafts folder. But guys, I don't know if you know this, but being a full-time working Mom to a 3-month old is somewhat time-consuming. So although, you probably shouldn't expect any brand spankin' new material from me in the near future. Here are some bloggers who do have their shit together:

What I Should Have Learned in College (but Didn't) by East & | Don't get me wrong, I loved my college experience and left much more knowledgeable than when I entered. But Nadine is right- there are some things that they don't teach you in college, and should! Like #1 on her list- Excel!

The worst marriage advice I received by See You in a Porridge | We've all been there. Some of the things people say to you as a newlywed are outrageous and offensive. Thankfully, as Kristen writes, communication and sex are always the best pieces of advice.

The 5 Stages of Sex After Baby by Scary Mommy | Ugh. I hate that this resonates so well with me, but it is hilarious. After reading it, I immediately made Chuck take a look- to which he thoroughly agreed.

Blogger Love v.5

It's been a hot minute since I sat down and shared some of my favorite posts of the week. I'm back to my job and trying to get the hang of this working Mama gig, so bear with me while I figure out when the heck to blog!

I'm playing catch-up, but here are some of my faves from the last 3 weeks:

Just a Mom by Hippie at Heart | I love how Candace writes with such touching vulnerability. Just believe me when I say you should absolutely read her post about deciding whether or not to finish her degree for her baby girls' sakes.

40 Great Book Club Novels by Modern Mrs. Darcy | Ironically, I'm way better about completing book challenges with fellow bloggers whom I'll likely ever meet than I am about sticking to my assigned readings for book club with my IRL friends. However, this post gave me some great ideas for when it's my turn to pick a book for my real world book club!

Book Challenge: March Check-In

It's no secret around here that I love to read, so when I stumbled upon Erin's Book Challenge in December, I couldn't miss out on the fun. With one month to go, here's how I'm doing:

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5 points: Read a book, any book that is at least 200 pages long. | East of Eden by John Steinbeck (February 8, 2015) 4/5

10 points: Read a book that begins with the “A”, “An”, or “The”. | The Husband's Secret by Liane Moriarty (January 4, 2015) 3.5/5

10 points: Read a book with a two word title. | Hollow City by Ransom Riggs (March 31, 2015) 5/5

15 points: Read a book with an animal in the title. | The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon (March 15, 2015) 4/5

20 points: Take the first letter of your first name…Read a book that the title begins with that letter.

20 points: Read a book set in any country in Europe. | Bring Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman (March 13, 2015) 5/5

25 points: Read a book from the NPR’s guide of great books from 2014. | Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson (February 18, 2015) 5/5

30 points: Read a book by a favourite author that is not a re-read.

30 points: Read a book by a comedian or comedic actor. | I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert (January 16, 2014) 2/5

35 points: Read a book about science, discovery, or a scientific process – non-fiction only. | Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science of Sleep by David K. Randall (March 30, 2015) 4/5

PREVIOUS POINTS: 70
TOTAL POINTS: 150

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The finish line is so close, I can almost taste it! This may be the first book challenge I ever finish. Wish me luck!