It's so crazy to me that we've been married four months. I remember anxiously awaiting the day when I could say we had been dating for four months so we'd feel like a more legitimate couple. Silly 22-year old, Kaity.
Four months as a Mrs. is longer than my only other dating relationship. Ha!
Four months as a Mrs. has gone by so much faster than as a girlfriend, or a fiance.
Four months as a Mrs. has prompted me to share my smattering of thoughts on the matter, so here goes.
After four months...
I still can't believe I'm married.
I'm probably giving Chuck a complex with how many times I say this- but I really never believed I'd be a wife. Let alone, one of the first of my friends to get hitched.
I remember one of my friends describing me as a dandelion seed. Just floating on a summer breeze until I found a good spot to land. That's how I lived my life and how I always thought I would. Then, BAM! Chuck happened. All of a sudden this dandelion grew roots.
It's been a weird pill to swallow. Not good, or bad. Just different. A couple weeks ago I was telling Chuck about this full-tuition scholarship I found for a school in Massachusetts that I could be eligible for. After we sat down and talked about it, it was obvious that it just wasn't a realistic pursuit for me. A couple years ago, I wouldn't have given it a second thought.
I knew what I was signing up for when I recited my vows, and yet the notion of considering anyone but myself is so contrary to my nature that it's taking some adjusting.
Most days, I still feel like a 16-year old inside. I've just come to terms with drinking in front of adults now that I've been legal for nearly four years. Imagine my discomfort when the topic of procreating arises.
But here's the thing. Sex between a husband and wife is not a dirty thing. Within the respectful bounds of my husband's privacy, it's something I want to talk about because frankly, not many people do. I've learned that dating sex and married sex are two very different things.
Dating sex is hormone-fueled. Dating sex is wondering what the other person thinks of your naked body. Dating sex is being mortified that someone is looking at your naked body. Yes, it's new and exciting, but it's also nerve-wracking, intimidating and awkward as hell!
Then comes married sex. Comfortable sex. Not comfortable, as in lazy or unromantic. But all that awkwardness and those insecurities are a thing of the past, and all that remains is a physical and emotional connection that is completely unparalleled.
Granted, Chuck and I have aged about 5 years in the last one year. We went from free-spirited dating and a naive long-distance relationship to a married couple working a combined 120 hours a week. We're still learning how to find balance; something we'll hopefully have mastered by five months ;)