I, like most people my age I suppose, want to be someone. I want to shake things up. I want to be good at something. I want to inspire. I want to change this world for the better.
Since the time I was a littlun I've been incredibly self-motivated. I've been ambitious and I've wanted to be better than most. These things haven't changed.
But as my faith in Jesus has formed, these things have begun to lose their ambiguity and take on more individualized meaning.
Rather than aiming to be successful, I know I want to be successful in serving others.
Rather than being the loud, booming voice that never actually says anything, I want to be the quiet, but still voice that speaks truth.
Rather than seeking power, I want to seek love.
And so, as I contemplate where my career is headed; where I see myself in 10 years, 5 years, or even 1 year. I am still lost. I am so passionate. Passionate to the point of being irrelevant. What good is passion if you don't know what to do with it?!
Lately, I've really been enjoying my job. Bureaucracy, government tediousness and just plain ol' office politics aside, I love the idea of serving farmers. I love the idea of being a person of youth in a sector of well, older people. I love the idea that I am playing a part in ensuring that we, our families, and our babies and grandbabies will always have food on our table.
And yet...I hear the cries of the enslaved and suddenly I want to be an abolitionist.
I hear the calling of my Brothers and Sisters in sub-Saharan Africa and suddenly I want to live among them.
I hear the muffled sounds of the oppressed and I want to be their voice.
I want to be all of these things and I'm not any of them.
And then there's the glaringly obvious problem with all of this- the fact that not once did I use the word "we." I can't even figure out what I'm supposed to do, let alone what we're supposed to do.
I guess what these ramblings are ever-so-slowly getting to is that I need Jesus to continue to refine me. He has guided my thoughts, beliefs and passion to this point and I will continue to pray that He will be my funnel. He will take my essence and direct it to where it needs to be.
And all that I can do is have patience and enjoy the swirly, twisty, dizzying ride to the end.