I need some love, like I never needed love before...
Spice Girls? Anyone? No? Okay, moving on...
I've been in a weird state of mind the last couple days. I'm pretty sure 95% of the reason can be attributed to my time of the month, but about 5% is something else. I don't know how other girls do it. I read all these blogs by ladies who have been married not much longer than I have and they make it seem so...easy. Like this magical transition between boyfriend/girlfriend to husband/wife should be more seamless and natural than it is for me.
Don't get me wrong, not a day has gone by when I've doubted the decision I made two and a half months ago, or haven't silently thanked God for the kind, sweet and perfect-for-me husband I have. But switching my mindset from that of a "single" (in a matter of speaking) lady to someone eternally bound to the hip of Charles A. Stuckert is taking some getting used to.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that Chuck and I live in a city where our closest friends and/or family are four hours away. We have zero friends in Pittsburgh. Any social interations we have are with our co-workers, or each other. I know what a long-distance relationship feels like, so I do treasure all this time with my new husband. However, I'm starting to feel less like me, and more like Chuck-and-Kaity.
I mean, I guess I should have known this is what I was signing up for when I recited "...in sickness and in health...", but I never wanted to be the woman who lost her identity as a person to be someone's wife. I just...don't know where the middle ground lies quite yet.
Chuck's brother is coming to town this evening to stay with us for a couple days. As excited as I am to clock in some Stuckert family time, I'm also really excited by the idea that I'll have time to myself. I can clean, I can read, I can do some exploring in Pittsburgh. I can do what makes me, Kaity Best Stuckert, happy. The idea of being just me is very comforting at the moment.
So, any advice from married ladies out there?
How did you maintain your individuality while still becoming one with your husband?
Where is the balance?