A Call for Prayers

Has there ever been something you wanted so much or something that made you so happy that you didn't want to share it with the world?

I experience that a lot actually. Chuck and I weren't "Facebook official" for a good 3 months after we started dating. I didn't want to share the joy he had brought to my life for fear it would somehow come back to jinx me and I would lose it.

Tomorrow, something is going to happen. (Disclaimer: I do not have a bun in the oven). Something that I want with every fiber of my being. Hubs is the only one I've told about it because it's so near and dear to my heart that I don't want to tell anyone else. I don't want to share my anticipation, only to later have to share my rejection.

I believe that God knows my heart better than I know it myself. He knows how much I would love this. So last night Chuck and I prayed the prayer that never fails, "Thy will be done." If this something happens to turn out in my favor, believe me, I will be shouting on rooftops. But if it doesn't I'm going to keep it my little secret. Because, honestly, it would be devastating to lose it.

Keep me in your prayers please.

Typically, Belatedly Thankful

Woo! A week has come and gone and the holidays have left me utterly neglectful!

My Thanksgiving break was much needed in more ways than one. So in typically belated fashion, these are the reasons I was so incredibly blessed and thankful for my holiday vacation...

[One] After a month apart, I got a whole week with the hubs!

[Two] Though short-lived, my Mommy and sister got to spend some time with my in-laws and see why I've fallen so in love with that small, Ohio town.

[Three] Friend dates! Time spent with friends I hadn't seen in months was glorious.

[Four] Breaking Dawn: Part 1. My hubs indulged my inner teenie bopper and took me to see it. He's so good to me :)

[Five] Engagement/Christmas pictures! We killed two birds with one stone and a family friend was kind enough to take us around Wilmington for what are sure to be beautiful pictures.

[Six] Both our parents divulged that they were planning to help us pay for our big day. We are so blessed!

[Seven] Music. Open Mic & Saturday Night Live. Two reasons I love the music-oriented community of my hometown.

[Eight] Time spent bonding with my future family. I'm getting a whole host of brothers and sisters in the near future and I'm so ecstatic! They're an amazing group of people.

[Nine] Food. 90% of the time I'm a good little vegetarian. But when I'm immersed in my carnivorous future family, I indulge...a lot. And I don't regret it for a second!

[Ten] CHRISTMAS PRE-GAMING. Christmas decorating, Christmas music, Christmas movies...I love it all!

I am Woman; Hear me Roar!

I'm not sure why, but for whatever reason, lately I've been confronted with the evil of sexism. At my place of work, I am often looked down upon, treated as incompetent, as a sex object or just plain subordinate. Today, after a very silly mistake was made by an instructor where I work that I corrected, he proceeded to claim that it was a result of "the world turning to shit" after "they learned to drive and started to vote." They, as in women. I had never before been so insulted and so enraged by someones's ignorance.

I believe in the equality of all people. Regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, etc. God lovingly created every person on this earth and delights in our individual uniqueness and diversity. So it comes as a shock to me when others have the audacity to say that anyone should be treated as inferior.

I love men. I do. I love their strength. Their intellect. Their ambition. But would I ever want to be one? Heck no! There is something so beautiful and sacred about women and their unique femininity. Regardless of how the message has been perverted, women are universally seen as a source of beauty. We are the voice of compassion and sacrificial love in the world. We were intentionally created to stand beside men and to be their source of strength when all had been drained by the evils of the world.

One of my favorite books is Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by Stasi Eldredge. In it, she writes, 

"You see, women have been essential to every great move of God. Yes, Moses led the Isaelites out of Egypt, but only after his mother risked her life to save him! ...Harriet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin put fire into people's heart to end slavery in the United States...Mother Teresa inspired the world by bringing love to countless thought unlovable. And millions of other women quietly change the world every day by bringing the love of God to those around them.”

As women, we are called to be the voice of God. In a world of hurt and brokenness, we are called to repair, restore and radiate the love of Jesus. Our compassion, our nurturing nature and our emotions are not a sign of weakness. They are a gift from God. And as a recipient of this tremendous and wonderful gift, 

Ladies, it's up to us to change the world!

My Twisted Thoughts

I'm willing to bet most people don't know the story behind the name of my blog. And I'm honestly ashamed that it's taken me this long to open up about it, so here goes...

When I was about 10 years old, my Mommy re-married a very mean man. He drank too much, yelled too loud, and hit too hard. He made life as a blossoming young girl very dark and difficult. He was much of the reason I became depressed, self-medicated and self-harmed. He led me to believe that I was ugly, dumb and worthless. He hurt me, broke me and scarred me. For  a very long time, I hated my life, hated the world and hated myself.

Then, around 15, a new man entered my life. He radiated love and showed me the beauty within myself I had never known. He allowed me to be joyful and allowed me to be free from my hurt and brokenness. He earned the trust that I never thought I could give to a man. He was perfect. He was Jesus Christ.

Since meeting him, I have grown to truly see how beautiful the world is. He's shown me the extent of his love for me, and my Brothers and Sisters. He's allowed me to see my own capacity to love. I have never felt such hope, peace and joy than when I allowed Jesus Christ to enter my heart.

There are two songs that align so perfectly with the way I feel about my faith. There's a song by Todd Agnew called Something Beautiful. The lyrics that speaks to me goes,

"It's funny how all I can be, is someone completely ugly, but then when you look at me, you don't see a wretch, you see a reflection of something beautiful."

Sometimes I can be such an awful person. I get pleasure out of gossiping about others' misfortunes. I scream and cuss when someone cuts me off while driving. I go about my everyday life thinking 99% about myself and claim to be compassionate. There are times when I am quite simply, an ugly person. But then I'm reminded of the beauty of God. The God who created me in His image. The God who sees the beauty I possess because I was lovingly and intentionally created by He who created the heavens and the earth. And I am humbled.

The second song is a song by Flyleaf called So I Thought. The song in and of itself is so beautifully poetic and then at the very end, there's a line that says,

"And all these twisted thoughts I see, Jesus there in between."

A perfect name for a blog devoted to all my crazy, confuzzled and sometimes nonsensical thoughts. Nevertheless, in all I do Jesus is there with me. He is guiding me, teaching me, but most importantly loving me. He is the reason I hope. He is the reason I write. And He is the reason I love.

So i thought(live) -Flyleaf by n0vule

Be Kind

Some days I dread going to work. Not because it's particularly stressful. Not because I'm getting paid nothing (which I am). But because people are mean!

On Tuesday, an older gentleman spent approximately 5 minutes staring at my "nametag." Really? Today, I asked a member to show me his membership card (as per club policy) and his response was to ask me my name so he could say, "Kaitlyn, I don't like you." Really? I am daily dehumanized to the point of becoming a machine that scans cards. I am treated as imcompetent and I'm blamed for everything wrong with my place of employment. Which truth be told, is not that abnormal for anyone in the customer service industry. But it shouldn't be.

As a culture, we've become defensive, selfish and just plain mean! I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Plato, "Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." This doesn't just go for people in the customer service industry (although I hold the belief that every person should be required to work in customer service at one point in their lives to get some perspective on how to treat people). This goes for everyone we encounter. In light of the growing problems of bullying and discrimination, Ellen Degeneres ends every show with the words, "Be kind."

If we truly were to live by the idea of "Do unto others," imagine what a beautiful world we'd be living in.

So as of today, I'm embarking on a journey to be more generous. To be more respectful. But most of all, to

be kind.

Christmas Fun!

As much as I like to pretend my blog is devoted to mature intellectual reflection and soul-penetrating wisdom, my truest self cannot deny that I am nerd. I am a nerd who loves Christmas. I am a nerd who loves Christmas internet memes.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? As much as I love me some good ol' Nog, there's nothing like a cup of Hot Chocolate after a day spent playing in the snow.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa (and his elves!) totally wrap the presents.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I'm a sucker for pretty white lights.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope.

5. When do you put your decorations up? As soon as Halloween is over, it's fair game in my book.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Thumbprint cookies. A Christmas tradition in our house.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? To be honest, my memory of childhood Christmases is pretty foggy. But every year my sister and I have opened up our stockings together in bed on Christmas morning. I'm going to cry when the time comes when we can't anymore.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I stumbled upon his present's hidden in our garage...when I was 13. My Mom was an AWESOME Santa Claus!

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? I think we have, but it's not an annual tradition.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? With what I have. I'm broke so I use what I've got. Last year, I made a popcorn & cranberry garland with my food stamps. We'll see what poor grad student inspiration I get this year!

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Snow up until Christmas day is splendid. It's not Christmas without beautiful, shimmering, white snow. After Christmas? I could do without!

12. Can you ice skate? Can I? Yes. Well? No.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? My Dad got me a guitar when I was probably 7 or 8. I flipped shit.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Just being with family. Doesn't get better than that.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? My Mom has soo many good Christmas cookie recipes. It's a toss up between Thumbprint cookies and her Rum balls!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Opening up stockings with Kelly Christmas morning. Always will be.

17. What tops your tree? Grew up with an angel. I have a star. I really don't have a preference.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving of course!

19. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum? Can't really eat them by themselves, but heck yes in cookies or hot chocolate! 

20. Favorite Christmas show? I love all the old Christmas classics. 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family is BOMB.

21. Saddest Christmas Song? I'll Be Home for Christmas. 

22. What is your favorite Christmas song? I don't know that I have a favorite, I love it all! But Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24 by Trans-Siberian Orchestra is definitely up there. My mom, sister and I saw them in concert one year and they were insane. They went from Christmas classics to a Metallica cover. So awesome!

This was so much fun! 

Thanks to:

 

Anything but Love

Last night I had a long overdue conversation with one of my best friends. I went on about work, grad school, and of course, wedding planning. I caught myself gushing about my hubs and just sat there smiling at how much I've changed in the last year. We both remarked that if someone had told me a year ago I'd be where I am now, I probably would've told them to shut up.

On the one hand, I can't believe I've turned into the girl my cynical self used to mock and berate. On the other, I don't care in the least because 1) I'm happier than I've ever been and 2) I fell in love with my soulmate when I never thought I would. Those who know us together have attested to witnessing our compatiblity and the love we have for each other. I've found that those who don't however, seem skeptical and attribute our relationship to young, recklessness.

While her statement was not at all ill-intentioned, my friend commented that she and another friend had placed bets that I would be pregnant right after we were married or even before. She had every reason to say this: Chuck and I have been talking about our inevitable big-headed, ginger babies for months. But I was kind of hurt when I detected that her statement may have been made out of a belief that I was going into this commitment recklessly with no sort of rationale or regard to things outside my relationship.

I am, without a doubt, spontaneous and free-spirited. I'm indecisive and change my life's plan every week. I can see why anyone might assume that I'm rushing into this union. Maybe they're right. But I am not apologetic. I spent my entire life believing that I was unworthy and undeserving of love. When I found someone whose love for me was so great that it left me with a better understanding of God's unconditional love- there was no way I was letting it go.

I have no plans to get preggo any time soon. I am ambitious, intelligent and determined to succeed. I don't want to do anything that might jeopardize my career or the stability of my family. However, if we were to have an unexpected pregnancy, we would joyously welcome that baby into our lives. Whenever we decide to make little day-walkers, those babies will be the most blessed bundles of joy. They will know of the love of God, the love their parents have for each other and the love their Mommy and Daddy have for them.

Life is too short to do anything but love.

Sunday Blessings IV

I'm not going to lie. This week has not been an easy one. The distance between Chuck and I has really taken a toll on me. I went for two days, ignoring his phone calls because I got to the point where if I had to have one more conversation over the phone I was going to have a conniption. Probably not logical to most people, but it made sense at the time.

So despite the drama, despite the stress and despite the crummy weather, I will continue to thank God for all the silver linings. There are far worse things I could be complaining about and I'm so humbled that I've been been the recipient of God's grace and mercy when I've done absolutely nothing to deserve it.

So here goes...

holidays

I am that obnoxious person that starts blasting "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" on November 1st. There's something about the magic of Christmas that I just can't get enough of. It's that time of year when the whole family does absolutely nothing but be together. When Kelly and I get all bundled up and spend hours playing in the snow. When everyone is fully aware of God's unconditional love in their lives. Christmas is like crack to me.

wedding

I remain completely indecisive and clueless about putting together this wedding, but I know one thing: I have my wedding shoes! I ordered them about two weeks ago and they finally came! Trying them on helped to reignite my excitement about our nuptials and feel like I've done something to begin preparations.

friends

I had the most hilarious conversation last night with a friend in Ohio. It was much needed as I've missed her, and Wilmington in general, tremendously. I have this weird complex where I still view myself as an outsider within my Ohio group of friends so to be missed is an awesome feeling. I can't frickin' wait to go back for Turkey Day!

love

I had a conversation with my Mommy the other day about Chuck and my relationship. It so helped to put things in perspective for me. I told her that if God forbid, things were to ever end between us, I honestly believe that there's no chance I'd ever be able to find someone who loves me as much and treats me as well as he does. He is patient. He is understanding. He is, without a doubt, my biggest blessing.

Pumpkin Cupcakes

Shortly after I began my Pinterest obsession, I stumbled upon this recipe for Pumpkin Cupcakes from Skinny Taste. I've been wanting to make them for awhile, but because I live by myself, this could be very dangerous for my waistline. 

My upstairs neighbor moved in about a month ago and with one exception, we haven't really spoken since then. But I figured this would be a nice way to welcome her in and thank for being pretty much the least obnoxious neighbor ever. Score!

Here are pictures of my attempt:

The recipe called for Pumpkin Pie spice which I didn't have so I looked up how to make it on  About.com.

The recipe also called for Betty Crocker vanilla cake mix, but I substituted an organic brand.

I got these adorable Fall sprinkles in the Target dollar bin!

Thanks for being a great neighbor, Ellen!

Being a Long Distance Lover

Current state: Frustrated. Deprived. Lonely. Exhausted.

I believe in using my blog for the sake of thinking about the positives and sharing my joys with those who may be just bored enough to read it. Just kidding! Today though, I'm being cranky for a cause. Consider this my plea to my fellow bloggers: How did/do you handle long distance?!

I've been dating my love for almost a year. Six of those months we've been separated. That's over half of our relationship. Until now, I'd say I've handled it rather well. I'm a very independent person and I can handle living by myself, being in a new city with no acquaintances. As Month 6 shows it's ugly face, however, it's admittedly taking it's toll. I want my fiance to live in the same city. I want to share the same bed. I want to have a face-to-face conversation. I know that 6 months isn't that long, and we do talk on a daily basis. My hubby's life is not in peril. I know I have it good in comparison to many wifeys out there. But the truth is...I'm exhausted.

I just want my love!

My intention in writing this wasn't to whine (well, maybe a little), but honestly, I'm begging for any advice.

If you've dealt with a long-distance relationship, how did you cope?

Perspective

Last night, both hubby and I had a rough time. Me, I was just having a pity party being all lonely and such. Hubby had a minor car accident and was very frustrated that it was likely going to drain his savings. We sat on the phone and vented to each other and whined about all the ongoing stress in our lives. Being able to speak to each other did put us in a better mood, but by the time we laid our heads to sleep, our moods had not improved that much.

I woke up this morning with a new perspective. As I drove to work on this beautiful sunshiney day with Frank Sinatra's voice crooning through the speakers of my brand new car, I had a moment of clarity where I thought- "Wow, could you be anymore ungrateful?!"

I found some interesting statistics to accompany my epiphany:

• 8% of the world's population owns a car. I am the 8%.
• 6.7% of the world's population has a college degree. I am the 6.7%.
• 15% of the world's population does not have running water. I am the 85%.
• 60% of the world's population owns a cell phone. I am the 60%.

It's so easy to use our affluent American neighbors as a comparison of our own quality of life. We often forget that the lives we lead are not the norm. We are incredibly blessed. I'd urge each of you to remember this the next time you complain about car troubles, gas prices, taxes...or whatever our current gripe may be. The fact that we live in a nation where we have the wealth to own a car, have federally funded loans to help us obtain a post-secondary degree and the right to vote is pretty astonishing. I, for one, am going to try to remain conscious of these tremendous gifts and praise Him who has given them to me.

Gamophobia- Fear of Marriage

I'll be honest- I love my fiance more than I ever thought I could love a person. He's every romantic cliche ever used: my best friend, my soul mate, the person who loves me for exactly who I am (weirdly enough). I can't wait to travel with him, make babies with him and spend our lives together. There is no one else in the world I'd choose to spend my days with (not even Michael Jordan!). 

And yet, the thought of our marriage scares the bejeezus out of me! 

I have always been rather conservative when it comes to romance and relationships. I had my first kiss at 18. My first boyfriend at 20. I lost my virginity at 22...to none other than my fiance. I was never the girl that wanted or needed a boyfriend. I was either going to date someone I could envision a future with, or be single. In fact, I was so steadfast in these beliefs that I had planned my whole life without a leading man. Then Chuck came along and kind of messed up my plans.

Our first date together the topic of marriage came up. Not in a "we've known each other for 5 minutes and it was love at first sight" kind of way. But in a way that we both knew what each other's bottom lines were and if we decided to pursue a relationship it was because this is a person we could see devoting our lives to.

Obviously, we took dating seriously. And we both take marriage seriously. Divorce is not an option. I don't even like couples who joke about divorce because it puts the possibility out there. So as much as I love Chuck and can't wait to produce big-headed ginger babies with him, I'm fearful. I trust in my fiance's ability to be an amazing husband and father. What I doubt, is my own ability to stick it out when the going gets tough.

Having experienced life in an abusive household, my "fight" response is non-existent. My "flight" response, on the other hand, has served me well. My immediate response should any problem arise is to hide or run away from it. There is no conflict, no confrontation, I just ignore it until it goes away. The fact that I'm going to be legally bound to someone for the rest of my life, clearly doesn't fit in with my conflict resolution skills. This scares me.

So as the wedding details come together, and Chuck and I continue to grow in our love for each other, it's my honest and heartfelt prayer that God might teach me what it means to be a wife. What it means to have a marriage. What it means to stay beside someone through good times and bad. I know it will not be easy. There will be hard times, there will be tears. But by saying "I do," I will be telling my husband that despite my fears, despite my shortcomings, you are the person I want to travel through this beautiful, unpredictable and blessed life with.

Another Spoonful of Sunday Blessings

It's 11:00 AM and I've already finished and submitted a research project outline due tomorrow (I'm wayy ahead of the game!). It's a blessing in and of itself! So I thought I would continue on with this train of consciousness and take some time to count my...Sunday Blessings!

school

Unsurprisingly, the job vs. school dilemma rages on. There's solid reasons on both sides and I'm completely split and undecided as to what my future holds. But you know what? That's okay. Through this indecision, God continues to teach me about faith & trust. I don't know what God's plan for my life is. Try as I might to control my fate, I fail. When I attempt to imagine my life 5, 10, 20 years from now, I honestly can't. 90% of the time, it drives me nuts. But praise Jesus, that I'm not in charge of my destiny. For if He wasn't, what a boring and predictable life I'd have!

home

I HAVE HOT WATER! Is there really more that needs to be said? It's funny how it took giving myself a bath in my kitchen sink for me to realize how much I take this convenience for granted.

wedding

I feel as though as huge weight has been lifted in regards to our nuptials. Relieving ourselves of expectations has been so liberating and I can't wait to commit myself to my wonderful fiance...however we decide to do it!

love

This is more of a blessing wrapped around a prayer. Hubby has been going back and forth about his current position. He loves his job, he's damn good at it and we both love the financial security it's provided us. But as we embark on this new journey as man & wife, this long-distance relationship needs to end...ASAP! I know tons of wives of military and businessmen deal with much more extreme separation than we've been faced with. But that's not me. And it's certainly not us. I don't think it's too much to desire to wake up with my husband.

My prayer is that hubby might secure a job here with me so we could actually start our life together. The blessing is that I'm so excited for it to happen! I've been waiting for this moment for a long time and the thought that we may begin the new year sharing a home is enough to make me positively twitterpated!

The Slavery of Choice

I've been having trouble in grad school. I love the content of my studies. I expect to be challenged and stretched to my limit. But my struggle stems from something else. I cannot focus. I figured my first few weeks trying the school thing again would take some adjusting, but I'm finding that with only a handful of weeks left in my semester, I'm just as lost as I was when I began!

I looked back on my time in Uganda, remembering it was easily my most productive semester. First, obviously because I was passionate about my studies. But honestly, what it came down to was the fact that there was nothing else to do but homework. The internet was sporadic at best and it's not like I was going into town or taking a matatu to Kampala everyday. It was simply because I had little choice with what to do with my life after class let out. This was also why I began running nightly. I was in the best shape of my life- physically and mentally.

I think that's my problem. I'm so distracted and unable to focus on my studies because I can choose not to do homework and spend hours on Facebook, Hulu or write a blog. Because I have such freedom, I've become paralyzed by it. I've become a slave to choice. Now, clearly, it's also due to a severe lack of discipline on my end. But I wonder what my life would look like did I not have the choice to spend time internet surfing, texting, driving anywhere I please on a whim.

There are a host of obstacles that continue to distract me from my schoolwork. (You're looking at one right now). But it is solely up to me to combat these demons of procrastination. Perhaps a shift in my thinking about how I choose to spend my time will enable me to be the best student I can be. Here's hoping!

I Don't Want a Wedding: Part 2

Shame on me! Two days and no blog? I can't believe I let it come to this, but I feel I have a good excuse. Firstly, I'm a grad student. Meaning, I'm in a constant state of stress and unpreparedness. Secondly, as my last post was a little...disgruntled, to say the least. I wanted to make sure my successive post had a little bit more resolution to it.

Needless to say, I'm no less frustrated with the extravagant and over-indulgent wedding industry. However, after talking to hubby and once again eerily reading each other's minds, we've come up with the following remedies:

1. Having a private ceremony. To me, the ceremony is an incredibly personal and intimate moment in both our lives. To share that with strangers just doesn't seem right to me. So as of this moment we're planning to have a ceremony for our families to take part in and an open reception to celebrate with everyone! This also give us more freedom as to when both are held. We can marry whenever. And we can have our reception when we're financially able to do so. It's incredibly liberating.

2. Scrapping the idea that I need a brand new dress. Two words: Recycled Bride. I buy all my clothes second-hand, it makes complete sense that I would buy a pre-owned dress! It's less costly, more eco-friendly and rids me of some of the guilt of spending an exorbitant amount of money on an article of clothing I'll wear one time.

3. Doing US. I actively started thinking about what matters to me and what matters to us. I would love to be the reason that our friends and family support an amazing cause. I decided that I love the idea of having a table at our reception with pictures of children in need of sponsorship through an amazing organization like Compassion International.

4. Giving up the wedding porn! I love Offbeat Bride, Green Wedding Shoes, Etsy, Pinterest, etc. But by looking at visions of other girls' dream weddings, it's only served to distract me from what I  want and who I am.

Those are my four steps thus far in the healing process. How have you remedied your wedding stress??



I Don't Want a Wedding!

Is it possible to throw a wedding that isn't...superficial?! 

That's what I'm trying to find out. As everyone knows I spent four months in Uganda. Not a jaw-dropping, earth-shattering, impressive amount of time. But enough for me to gain a sense of the plight of the world's poor in stark contrast to my own vast wealth and affluence. So in planning my wedding and looking at bridal gowns that cost the equivalent of my host Papa's yearly salary-I'm really struggling.

Neither the hubby or I are particularly keen on being the center of attention. Nor are we exactly "high maintenance" people. I never grew up picturing what my wedding dress would look like. I never even pictured who my groom would be. I honestly didn't really picture a wedding at all until Chuck entered my life. And even then, it wasn't the wedding I was thinking about, it was the marriage.

It's so easy to become swept up into the details of what our consumerist culture suggests a wedding should be. I seriously dislike wedding planning. I've tried to get in the spirit by becoming a Pinterest troll, but the truth of the matter is, I don't want a "wedding" as I believe our society defines it. I want to be outside, surrounded by the beauty of God's creation and testify to the love God has blessed me with. But most importantly, I want to be united with my future husband and my soul mate under my Holy Father. 

I don't want floral arrangements. I don't want Save-the-Dates. I certainly don't want to be in a crowd of people I've never met. I want a marriage. 

Fortunately for me, my hubby-to-be wants all those same things. Which is just one of the million reasons why I am so crazy in love with him. My prayer now is that as future man-and-wife, Chuck and I might stay true to this vision; that our union might represent who we are as a couple. That we wouldn't be swayed to cater to those around us and that above all else, our irrevocable love will continue to glorify God for the rest of our days.