My Biggest Problem in Marriage

My marriage, much like everyone else’s is not free from issue. Problems arise, we deal with them with as much grace as we can muster and then we try to continue loving each other the best we can. Since moving to Ohio, the adjustment has been taxing on me. After our second week, when I once again broke down in hysterical sobs, Chuck told me he saw me cry more in the two weeks we’d lived in Ohio than in our entire relationship. I felt blessed to once again be near friends and family again, but I was seriously grieving the loss of all the one-on-one time Chuck and I shared when we were in our faraway land of Pittsburgh.
A few years ago I read The Five Love Languages. While I love my husband’s cuddles and I love when he does the dishes or opens the car door for me, my love language is 100% quality time. Chuck’s is too. We feel closest to each other when we’re just sitting on the couch together watching a movie, going for a walk or eating dinner together. Chuck legitimately is my best friend and every second I have to spend with him is such a joy.
So right now, our biggest problem is the fact that I miss him all.the.damn.time. I hate feeling like the needy wife that I am, or like I’m making him choose between me and his friends. But because of our opposing work schedules, I see him Wednesday and Sunday evenings. That’s it. I’m asleep when he gets home, and he’s asleep when I leave. I miss him, terribly. And therein lies the biggest problem in our marriage.
Which causes me to think- if the fact that my husband is completely devoted, always makes me laugh, always helps out around the house, but isn’t at home as much as I’d like is the biggest problem in my life- I am one blessed lady.

So I’ll continue missing him, and soaking up every opportunity to sneak kisses and hold his hand. All the while, thanking God for the biggest problem in my marriage.


  1. When we first got married, we have very opposite schedules--sometimes I would literally not see Angel for several days at a time because he'd leave for work before I'd get home, and the next morning I'd leave for school before he got home, and the cycle would repeat. Plus, I fell like whenever I did see him, he was half asleep! It is frustrating to go through those seasons, but hopefully you guys will eventually get on a more similar schedule--that craving for togetherness is a good thing too, its definitely a better problem than not even wanting to be in the same room with each other!

  2. I hear ya!! That's our problem too. Although since Sean quit his 2nd job, things are a lot better. But still, I don't see him as much as I used to.

    Totally understandable! But like you said, if this is our only issue in marriage...we're pretty lucky.

  3. I understand! I think Quality Time is mine, too. There are times when i do a show, and i'm in rehearsals non-stop & i actually will have a meltdown at some point & say, 'I miss you!! I need a mini-date!" (Mini-date: dates that we fit in between work & rehearsal!) I am not doing theatre much these days. It is my passion, but i just would rather be home with him. I think we (me & you) probably sound ridiculous to some of our friends, but that's okay. ;) I think it's good that we like being with our hubby's so much! :)

  4. I love that book - it is so wonderful and helps so many issues when you go and figure out what your love language is and what your spouses is as well (:

  5. I hear this! Between basketball, babies, and boys, it is RARE that my husband and I get to have quality time together these days, and we miss each other. But like you said, it's a good problem to have!

  6. I can completely relate. My love language is quality time as well, and Jon's is words of affirmation. I didn't grow up receiving or witnessing many words of affirmation and it does not come naturally to me to do that for him. It is definitely a challenge to make sure we meet each others needs because neither of us always understand exactly what it is that the other needs us to do for them. As far as always missing my husband, I know how that goes too. Last week marks the beginning of the first period of time in our three years of marriage that Jon's schedule hasn't been completely and utterly consumed by training and his job. That past three years have been filled with weeks at a time where he would leave the house at 5:00 am or earlier and not return until 8:00pm or later and then have to study until after midnight, then go to bed and do the same thing the next day and the next...and work all weekend long too. I'd see him long enough for him to scarf down dinner, and sometimes not even that. Just last week his job got switched to one with a much less demanding schedule. It's weird to have so much time together and now we're facing the challenge of figuring out what to do with ourselves. But I completely understand how you feel. It's not fun to go through, but you can do it! :)