Everything in Moderation

I have officially been a graduate candidate in the field of Food Studies at Chatham University for three weeks. The weeks have been packed with scholarly articles, discussions of Marx and the capitalist system, as well as insight into exactly what a healthy diet looks like. Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot. Perhaps my most interesting insight, however, is my adoption of the belief of everything in moderation.

After my semester in Uganda, I was convinced that a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle was the means by which I could feed the planet. Okay, not by myself, but you get the idea. I did a lot of research into the relationship between world hunger and meat consumption, and the findings were mind-blowing. So many of our resources are going to produce more beef, poultry and dairy than we will ever need! We’re destroying our environment, producing tons of grain that is being used as feed, rather than feeding people and the stories coming out of industrialized farms will have you thinking second thoughts about taking a bite out of that cheeseburger.

My Toto in Uganda making ground nut sauce. It's harder than it looks!

The facts are there, and they’re astounding. As a society we’re eating more meat now than ever before in history. Our obesity and diet-related disease rates have sky-rocketed and yet, there is still so much need. It is true, a global vegan diet would free up vast amounts of our precious resources and supply enough food to feed the entire world. The problem is, (and I hate to admit this) a global vegan diet would not feed the world. For the past 3 years, I’ve been completely ignoring the small matter of distribution. Not because I wasn’t aware it was a problem, but because it was a much larger issue than I wanted to try and tackle. By simply focusing on the ethics of a plant-based diet, I could propose a positive solution without trying to devise a strategy to grapple with the massively unequal and unjust distribution system in our world.

Think about it. Our government is funding farmers through agricultural subsidies NOT to produce food because of the surplus we have in this country. Meanwhile, 25,000 children worldwide die EVERY DAY from malnutrition and deficiencies. This is the world that we live in.

So yes, if you want my opinion, it is completely unnecessary from a dietary and ethical standpoint to eat meat at every meal. It is completely unnecessary to eat meat every day. But will I grab a slice of turkey at the Thanksgiving table or have a hearty seafood dinner when I’m vacationing at the shore? You bet! Because the truth is, if I truly desire to feed the world, I must figure out how to overcome this socially unjust global food system we’ve found ourselves in. I’ve got another two years- I’ll let you know what I find out!

The Moment I Knew

In every relationship destined for marriage, there's that pivotal moment when you realize you've found "The One." Perhaps it's love at first sight, perhaps it's your first night apart when you learn that you don't know how to be without that person or maybe it's a result of nothing out-of-the-ordinary; just the knowledge that this person is your soulmate. For me, that moment happened on the fateful day of April 18, 2011...

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April 18, 2011

Typically, I’d be led to write something as introspective on my blog for the world to see, but this is a little too personal as of yet for my adoring cyber fans (…all two of them). Last night I came to a startling realization: Chuck is the man I’m going to marry. As his birthday festivities wound down, I found myself having a really nice conversation with his mother, Sherry. She had previously alluded to wanting to know what the future had in store for us and when she had me all to herself, she dropped the bomb on me- Chuck had confided in her that I was the one he was going to marry.

My heart dropped to my stomach and fear coursed through my veins. Fear because I felt inadequate to be anyone’s wife- especially in light of what an amazing man and husband Chuck is destined to be. Fear because I realized I was no longer 16 anymore and it was actually time for me to start becoming an adult. But mostly, fear that the life I’d never allowed myself to want for fear it would never happen was within my grasp and I trembled at the thought of losing it.

I spent much of the night later on, lying next to the man of my dreams, tossing and turning, recalling the conversation. I started out afraid that any marriage involving me would be doomed to fail, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized when I tore down the walls I’d built around my heart and opened myself up to the possibility of love four-ish months ago, God blessed me ten-fold.

So much of my life I’ve spent planning, analyzing and overthinking- all in an attempt to control my destiny and distract myself from the truest desires of my heart. Miraculously, through Chuck, God revealed to me that He knew all along what my wants and needs were and that His plan for my life was far better than anything I could’ve possibly imagined for myself. To witness that kind of love working in my undeserving life took my breath away.

So as I continued to ponder and as I utilized my Mommy’s wonderful and genuine advice I realized 1) God has granted me the opportunity to be extraordinarily happy, and 2) if I continue to open up my heart and trust in God’s plan for me, I’ve got this whole marriage thing in the bag.

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Every day something happens that reminds me why I love this man. Whether it's just a glimpse at his adorable face, hearing him attest to how much he believes in me or the moment it comes to light that we both ate out of the trash as kids...I can't wait to be his wife. 

I love you, Charles Albert Stuckert II.

Giving up the Best

I have officially been engaged for 8 days. On the one hand, I am anxious and impatient for our big day to arrive and on the other hand, I am in complete disbelief that I, Kaity Michelle Best, am getting married. Don’t you have to be a grown up to do that?! It would be a complete falsity to pretend like my head isn’t flooded with images of an outdoor wedding, with a flowing white dress surrounded by everyone I love. However, I’m finding that my biggest area of focus thus far has been on…the name change!

Let’s face it, I have the best last name ever and I’ll admit I’m a little reluctant to give it up. I’ve started contemplating all my options regarding my name. I could drop my middle name and be Kaity Best Stuckert, but that sounds a little funny to me. I could hyphenate: Kaity Michelle Best-Stuckert. But what a mouthful! I even got a little giddy when I realized you could smush our names together and create a new last name: Kaity Michelle Bestuckert! Well, that one just seemed silly.

I read somewhere that women who keep their maiden names have significantly higher incomes than women who choose to take their husband’s name. I guess it makes sense. The former women are probably less traditional and more career-driven than the latter so in this scenario, maybe by keeping the “Best,” I could be aiding my career. As un-traditional and ambitious as I may like to think I am, I do not want to be the kind of woman thought to put work before family.

Which brings me to my last option: I drop the “Best” and become Kaity Michelle Stuckert. I won’t deny, it actually sounds pretty nice, but if I want to make this kind of sacrifice and completely alter my identity for my husband, I better be sure in my conviction that this is the right choice for me. I started thinking of why women choose to take their husband’s name as their own. Tradition, mostly, I assume. But deeper than that, I believe women choose to abandon their birth name to submit and become one with their husband.

The word “submission” has always held a negative connotation to me. I am an independent, self-sufficient woman who detests the idea of any person having control over me. To me, “submission” has always sounded more like “indentured servitude.”  But I recalled a passage in the Bible that encouraged wives to submit to their husbands (and as foreign an object as the Bible is for me, I have to believe that the same God who loves me unconditionally would never desire a relationship for me where I was viewed as subordinate, powerless and inferior). My God created me as a reflection of love, grace and beauty. He also created my future husband to cherish my love, my grace, my beauty and even my lack thereof.

In Ephesians 5, Paul asks me to submit to my husband for he is the head of the household, like Christ is the head of the Church. He then goes on to ask my hubby-to-be to love me as Christ loves the Church that He sacrificed everything for. He tells my fiancé that he ought to love me as he loves himself and care for me the way he cares for himself. Finally, Paul writes, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

After reading this passage, I can’t help but notice that there is no hint of indentured servitude. What I do interpret however, is a loving God asking me to shed my pride and grab a slice of humble pie. He desires a marriage for me in which I care for my husband the absolute best that I can, and he promises the same to me. As we become one, all God seems to be asking of us is to model the same love in our relationship with each other, as Christ has so loved us. With all things considered, “Stuckert” doesn’t seem so bad… ;)

the beauty of sacrifice

It's been a week and a half since we packed up our lives and moved to Pittsburgh to begin the next adventure in our life together. What was supposed to be a weekend full of happiness, excitement and new beginnings quickly turned sour and was a perfect example of Murphy's Law working in our lives. Allow me to fill you in.

Problem A: In preparation for our move, I made sure to wash as much laundry as I could to ease the packing process. The one time I decided to casually slip my debit card into the pocket of my denim shorts, would be the time I decided to put it through the dryer. What at first appeared to be a minor inconvenience, turned out to be a huge problem when Chuck's bank account hit a whopping $8.00 and I was responsible for covering all our expenses (but more on that later).

Problem B: We rented a  Ford pick-up to allow us to move the mattress that we'd grown so attached to, to our new place. About 1 mile into our travels, Chuck glanced in the rearview mirror to see our boxspring be tossed onto the road by a minor gust of wind and our mattress no where to be found. Although, the picture of us carrying a mattress down the side of Route 68 laughing our heads off at the ridiculousness of our current predicament will forever be one of my favorite memories, the event no less, made us incredibly uneasy for the remainder of our 4-hour trip.

Problem C: The BIG DADDY of problems. Chuck had taken Monday and Friday off at his job. His current campaign was in Michigan so as Monday approached he prepared to get on the road again and return to work. About 45 minutes into his 7-hour journey back, his car over-heated and he pulled onto the shoulder of I-79 N and called me while he waited for Ol' Blue to cool down. I met up with him about an hour later (due to heavy traffic) and followed him to the nearest mechanic to get it checked out. Or at least that was the plan...about 2 miles later, his car was down for the count.

I pulled up ahead of him and we decided to continue on to the mechanic to get us in touch with a towing company. Needless to say, the anti-social mechanic at Monro was entirely unhelpful and stranded in an unfamiliar town I made the decision to call my own auto insurance's Roadside Assistance line to hook us up with a tow (we were incredibly relieved- yeah Geico!). However, that tow cost Chuck the remaining money in his checking account after all the travel-related expenses we'd accrued thus far. Several hours later, the truck was towed to a nearby PepBoys where we would eventually learn that Chuck had blown a head gasket and cracked his radiator and the estimated cost of repairs was over $4,000.

After many discussions considering what the best options were concerning how to get Chuck back to Michigan (with his job on the line!), it was decided that we'd attempt to find him a new car to buy. After a dead-end referral, I suggested we check out a car that was on sale at a local Enterprise. What appeared to be an answered prayer turned out to be way more trouble than it was worth.

Problem D:  First, we discovered that in order to purchase a car in the state of PA, Chuck would need his PA license. We made our way to PennDOT the next afternoon only to discover that Chuck's lack of a social security card and copied birth certificate were not going to allow him to obtain an ID. The frustration and anger was literally steaming off of him as he left the facility while I proceeded to get mine (talk about a slap in the face).

While we remained optimistic about the opportunities Pittsburgh held for us in the future, it was time for us to get out of this place. Our frustration, anger and worry had reached it's peak. We were at our wit's end with this situation, with the state of Pennsylvania and although we hated to admit it, with each other. We made the decision to return to the one place we knew we could count on: Wilmington. In the end, everything worked out smoothly. We got to attend the mighty Miles' 1st birthday, spend some time with family and friends and Chuck left Sunday afternoon in a shiny new Hyundai Accent.

The entire week was hell for both of us. On top of the nervous anticipation of moving to an unfamiliar place, we had this disaster occur. It took a lot out of the both of us, but in hindsight has left me with some incredible insights regarding my own character. Namely, that I am an incredibly selfish person.

Over and over again, on the verge of a mental breakdown, I had recited to myself "Why am I dealing with this?! This is not my problem!" It was not until much later that I realized my flawed thinking. It was in fact, my problem. When I entered into a relationship with this person, and made the decision that I was going devote my life to them, I mistakenly believed that my life would continue being about my hopes, my problems and my successes. As I've come to realize, by making the choice to love Chuck, I've traded in I/Me/My for We/Us/Our.

This is a pretty lofty undertaking, but the truth of the matter is, I adore this man. I will always stay true to my dreams and passions, but I am entering into a place in my life where I am learning how to sacrifice. And isn't that what life is really all about? Sacrifice is not choosing to be miserable, or to give up the important things in life. It is placing the needs and wants of someone else's above your own. You might say, like Christ exemplified through His life and death. So in yet another example of God working through the storms of our lives, He has managed to show me another aspect of this unconditional love I'm supposed to be modeling and taught me the beauty of sacrifice.

A Year in Review

June 2010:

After finally getting my license (at the age of 22), I made the 8 hour drive from my hometown to Wilmington, Ohio to begin my year as an AmeriCorps* VISTA!

July 2010:

Attended Cincinnati’s Gay Pride parade with the lovely Karay Martin and knew we were going to be great friends!

August 2010:

A fellow VISTA referred me to her landlord about a recent apartment opening. This would end up being my very first Bachelorette pad and site to some incredible memories.

September 2010:

Organized the 2010 Tour de Farm fundraiser. The event was pretty small, but I was proud of myself for managing to pull it off considering my poor event-planning skills. (One thing I can check off my list of possible careers! Ha!)

October 2010:

Participated in Wilmington College’s Mud Volleyball games with my fellow VISTAs. It didn’t take long for it to become my new favorite sport!

November 2010:

With nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, Matt kindly let me tag along to his family’s Thanksgiving. I think this was around the time we realized we were soul siblings :)

December 2010:

SonJane Fest 2010. The night I met many of my new Wilmington friends, and namely, the love of my life.

January 2011:

Filled with lots of fun birthdays and lots of “Define the Relationship” talks with my significant other ;)

February 2011:

Lots of dates, kisses and getting to know my one and only.

March 2011:

A bucket list item gets crossed off: Our trip to Nashville, as well as a trip home to “meet the parents!”

April 2011:

Our birthdays, Jack’s Mannequin and our first “I love you”.

May 2011:

Work was crazy stressful as the growing season was in full swing. My love was there for me every step of the way: preparing meals when I got home, doing laundry that I was too exhausted to attend to and even rototilling a garden or two.

This was also Chuck’s first trip to the Jersey Shore. All it took was a few hours in Cape May for him to fall as deeply in love with the place as I have.

June 2011:

My final days with Grow Food, Grow Hope came to a bittersweet close and Chuck and I began what could be referred to as a long-distance relationship.

July 2011:

After I received my acceptance letter for grad school at Chatham, our lives became a whirlwind of trying to move ourselves out to Pittsburgh on a very short time frame. I’ve never been so blessed as I am currently to have a man who supports and believes in me so much that he’s willing to pick up and move his life so that I may pursue my dreams. That’s what I like to call love.

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I have no idea what the next year has in store for us (it’s not about ‘me’ anymore!). All I can say is, Wilmington has given me one hell of a year, and I can’t wait to see how Pittsburgh measures up! I’ve been so blessed over the last 13 months, and there’s still so much yet to come. Thank you to every person who’s made my Ohio life oh so memorable.

I love you all.