Let's Talk about Mommy/Marriage Burnout

I'm assuming anyone reading this likely hasn't noticed, but I've been rather absent from my blog as of late. It's kind of a seasonal thing for me. My writing motivation ebbs and flows. I mentioned in the post about my Dad that I don't do well in the latter winter months. Being cooped up inside and not getting enough sunshine are not good for me. Seasonal depression aside, I haven't been writing because truthfully? I am so freaking burnt out.

I've been at this Mom thing for over three years now and in that time I've had few breaks. My family is two states away and Chuck's parents are working and/or have physical limitations. I'll be honest I get real salty and resentful of parents of young children whose family are readily available to watch their kids. It's an ugly and unproductive way of thinking, but I can't help it.

I am running on fumes. I drink three cups of coffee per day (A LOT for me) and I still can't function like a normal human being. Mothering two toddler boys is absolutely insane. It is just non-stop all the time and I'm constantly seeking just 10 minutes of reprieve from the incessant noise and chaos.

In the time since Crosby's birth, my marriage has been especially neglected. Without going into specifics, and with the disclaimer that if asked, my husband would say the same thing- the last year has been really hard on Chuck and me. We've been so out of sync and disconnected as we try to just manage the day-to-day responsibilities of parenthood without any kind of outside help. We get snippier with each other more often than we ever have. We misread each other as being mean or snarky, when we're honestly just tired. We get frustrated with life and lash out at each other. We haven't been ourselves and it hasn't been pretty.

And what we want more than anything is just a break. We constantly daydream of taking a week-long Caribbean vacation together to just relax and enjoy each other. Of course, that's not even a remote possibility right now as we're still living off of Chuck's income while my part-time income is enough to cover our daycare and grocery expenses.

I love my husband and I love our boys. They are the joys of my life. I do feel like we're making our way back out of the valley. But seriously, parenting without a village feels impossible some days.

And that's all I have to say about that.
(10 points to Gryffindor is you read that as Forrest Gump)

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