11 Months as Mommy

If you haven't noticed, there's been some serious radio silence around these parts. It's not that I've been any busier lately, but my blogging motivation continually ebbs and flows, and right now I'm in the midst of an ebb. I did want to make sure I documented Charlie's 11 month birthday, however! Since this guy turned a whopping 11 months on Thanksgiving this year, I'm a little late to the game on this post!

WORK

No real change here. Still working 5 days/40 hours a week and chugging merrily along. November is my busiest month because on top of my already insane workload, I have to host an annual event for around 200 people. Charlie came into work with me the day before the event since I had to work past his bedtime and he did so well. He hung out in my ErgoBaby carrier as I set out tablecloths and arranged nametags and was happy as  clam. Such a relief!

BREASTFEEDING

We're still hanging in, although barely. I am literally counting down the days until I can light my breastpump on fire and watch it burn to ash. Was that a little too intense? Probably, but that's pretty much where I'm at now. My plan is to transition Charlie to drinking cow's milk during the day when he's with his Aunt and then I'll continue to breastfeed in the morning when he wakes up and at bedtime.

BABY FAT

It's ridiculous that this is even a category. No progress here, though my Hubby deserves some major praise- he's been hitting the gym hard for about the last 2 months and has already lost 8 lbs. Proud wifey status!

As for Charlie...

Because we were at my Mom's house for Thanksgiving and this was literally the best picture we got. 

MILESTONES

You name it, he's probably doing it. He figured out how to pull himself up to standing and our life has been chaos ever since. Everything is fair game for this little minion- my nightstand, his bookshelf...the toilet! This kid is developing some serious, independent, strong-will. And Mommy is TIRED.

Not only is this kid way more mobile, but he's finally teething! Just in the last week we noticed two little teefers breaking their way through his bottom gums. My poor sweet baby is much more irritable and clingy than usual, but I'll take all the snugs I can get because they're getting increasingly rare!

FAMILY

We made our second 10-hour trek to Upstate New York for Thanksgiving with my side of the family. Charlie loved hanging out with his Grandma and Aunt Kelly...and Mommy and Daddy loved the free babysitting. The only downside was that we discovered Charlie really doesn't sleep very well when he's away from home, so we left with everyone feeling pretty darn exhausted.

STATS

He hasn't been weighed since his  9-month appointment, so based on his growth, I'm going to estimate he's somewhere between 16-17 lbs. Still a peanut!

He's still wearing Size 3 diapers and his clothes are completely across the board. I usually have him in 12-month onesies and jammies (his 12-month sleepers are long on him, but the 9-month ones are too short- what's a Mommy to do?!). Pants are always a struggle. He still has some 6-9 month boy pants that he wears, but mostly I just stick him in 12-month girls' leggings because that's all that will fit his skinny little waist!

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Next update will be 12 months! I can hardly believe my baby won't be a baby much longer!

On Blogging vs. Writing and BIG MAGIC

Last week, I whizzed through the audiobook of Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic in two days. Granted, it was only 4 CDs, but still. I couldn't get enough. I feel as though Gilbert is a very polarizing author. I know some people who were utterly disappointed with Eat Pray Love and some who have read every single one of her books and think she is magical. I am in the latter camp. So I was essentially predisposed to love Big Magic, but I also didn't want a wishy-washy, self-help book filled with stupid cliches about following your dreams. Thankfully, that was not at all what I got.

For my fellow writing friends, I LOVED this book. Feeling inspired to step away from the keyboard and adoring cyber fans (sarcasm), and put pen to paper for the first time in way too long. :) #bigmagic #notjustablogger

A photo posted by Kaity Bee (@beeautifulblessings) on Nov 5, 2015 at 4:44pm PST

Big Magic really got me thinking more deeply about my writing. About what I am willing to sacrifice to pursue my craft. About what my motivations are for writing. But mostly, about what is keeping me back from really, truly writing (as opposed to blogging). I started this blog almost seven years ago. SEVEN YEARS. It has served me well. It has been my outlet to document my life's beautiful journey. It has been an easy way to keep writing with limited time and energy. But I also wonder if it has held me back. I've spent seven years of my life writing for an audience. Writing in one style and one tone of voice. I have spent seven years writing in a format that is sustained by the validation of others. And that just seems like a recipe for disaster. I don't feel that my writing has improved in those seven years and I don't think this format has allowed me to grow or be challenged. I don't want to sound ungrateful or that I don't still enjoy blogging, because I really and truly do. But I do wonder if I need to explore other avenues to pursue my passion and live out my most creative life.

I haven't yet arrived at a conclusion. I have thought about journaling more. I have a journal that hasn't been touched in years. I've thought about writing letters. Perhaps a goal to write a letter to a person in my life every week. Some letters, I would send. Some I might seal in an envelope and never look at again. Of all the ideas I've tossed around in my mind, the recurring theme is this- I need to write for myself. I need to write with discipline. And I need to write without the expectation of feedback. I don't want the opinions of others (good and bad) to sway the direction my writing takes or determine who I am as a writer. In her book, Gilbert makes the stinction between pursuing creative endeavors fearlessly versus bravely. It would be impossible for me to approach writing without fear. Fear that my writing is just plain bad. Fear that other people won't like it. Fear that I have nothing original to say. There are a million and one things to feel scared and vulnerable about. But I want to be brave.

I want to write because I need to.

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What are your thoughts on writing vs. blogging? Do you have any ideas on how I can start writing outside of the blogosphere?