Wednesday, January 28, 2015

I Became a Mom and Now I Can't Stop Crying


I have tried (and failed) on several occasions to bust out a blog post not remotely related to motherhood or my new baby. Yet, I am in the trenches and this has become my life. I have become an exhausted, overwhelmed, spit up-coated version of myself, so this post will be no different.

ScaryMommy.com posted this: You'll Totally Cry Over this Formula Commercial...Really and I took the bait. Sure enough, the message at the end of the short video hit home- as parents, we really will do anything for our kids. And I cried.

Immediately after watching said video, I peered into the huge, blue eyes of my baby boy, cozily snuggled up in my lap and I cried some more. I love this kid so much.

Granted, not all my cries have been heartfelt, warm-fuzzy cries. There has been many a guilt-fueled, sleep-deprived and frustrated tear in this house since Charlie arrived on the scene.

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You could probably blame the postpartum hormonal change. And I'm sure you would be right to an extent. But I believe the reason for my tears has more to do with the fact that like every Mom who has come before me and stated, having a child is like having your heart walk around outside your body. If I wasn't emotional before (and believe me, I was), having this beautiful new life thrust into my hands in a scary, chaotic and miraculous world is sometimes overwhelming. Charlie now has my heart and there's nothing I can do about it. So now, I walk around vulnerable and fragile as this new little boy explores the world and grows into the man he is destined to be. And I am the person (with my Hubby, of course) who is going to direct his path.

I realize this is all stream-of-consciousness new Mommy babble, and if I was able to organize my thoughts into a more coherent fashion, believe me, I would. But I couldn't help remarking on my newly realized emotional state. This Mommy business is so crazy, but damn am I glad I get to experience it with my Charlie. 

3 comments:

  1. I hear ya! I actually am trying to write about more mommy experiences right now and I am wholeheartedly convinced that the only other people who will understand what the heck I am trying to say are other moms! This is because I am all to aware that only 7 months ago I actually had no idea what things like you described above actually meant. Because, truth is, these feelings are so much more than anything I ever experienced before Maisy was born. She awoke a whole new animal in me!

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  2. Of course you are baby obsessed! Look at that cutie! Not all widdle ones are cute, but yours is...OMG!

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