If you were to ask me about my religious and/or spiritual beliefs, I would probably spout something off about how I believe Christianity is a manmade religion thats foundational principles have been warped and perverted to become a cult that seeks to discriminate against and exclude others. However, I like Jesus. A lot.
I intentionally use the word "like" rather than "love," because if I'm being honest, I don't love Jesus like I wish I did. I spend probably 50% of my day thinking about my husband. If I'm lucky, 1% of my brain power is spent thinking about Jesus on any given day. I want to love Him because I so fiercely believe in what He stood for.
I love that Jesus defended the most ostracized and marginalized people in society. I love that He saw profound beauty in each and every person. I love that He shed new light on the people who were broken, hurt and scarred. Basically, I love that He loved. And every ounce of me wants so badly to love like Jesus did.
But, you guys? Loving is so hard.
I tell my husband I love him multiple times a day. I try to make sure to tell my Mom and sister I love them every time we hang up the phone. I try to demonstrate my love for humanity by working for an organization that seeks to fill hungry bellies.
But some people are just so hard to love.
There is someone in my life who shall remain nameless. This person has gone through a lot and has thusly, been hugely affected by their trials and tribulations. This person is someone I see as being completely self-absorbed, disrespectful and borderline-sociopathic. This person has really truly offended and hurt me on multiple occasions and...I am called to love them.
I want to love them, and I feel immense failure every time I try to look within myself only to find a pool of intense animosity. How on Earth do I swallow my pride, turn the other cheek and simply love? And how do I love knowing full-well that I am putting myself in a path of inevitably getting my feelings hurt again?
I suppose Jesus never said it would be easy. And if He could forgive the very men who brutally murdered Him, it stands to reason that I should be able to love a person who has disrespected me. But love is hard.
I guess that's all I wanted to say.
Love is hard to do.