Friday, February 14, 2014

I'd Be Okay with No Babies



I haven't mentioned it in a few months, but the fact remains, the baby fever in our home is still going strong. We're enjoying "the two of us" right now and our adorable niece and nephews are more than enough chubby cuteness in our lives for a good, long while. I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge that the blogging world influences my feelings about pregnancy and parenthood. I go from reading one blogger's birth story and am overcome with happiness and the desire to expand my own family, to reading about another blogger's struggle with infertility. It breaks my heart and causes me to think about how I would react in the same situation.

Valentine's Date Night: 2/13/14
Chuck is so looking forward to being a Daddy. And I don't say this because I have to or want to, but Chuck is genuinely going to be an amazing father. He has wanted little tikes of his own for as long as he can remember. There's a part of me that fears (for no justifiable reason) that I may not be able to give that to him.

The truth is, if Chuck and I were unable to have biological children, we would grieve that loss. But it wouldn't be our end all, be all. Nor would we pursue IVF or other kinds of fertility treatments. No judgment towards those who have, I just personally couldn't justify investing that amount of money for the sake of having a child with my DNA when I know there are so many beautiful babies in this world in need of a loving home. So yes, if we could not reproduce, we would adopt. I've always wanted to adopt, and infertility would likely just expedite that process.

But say hypothetically, we could never afford to adopt. Or encountered other obstacles. I've thought about what my life would look like if I were childless. Sure, Chuck and I would grieve that loss. But I can absolutely confidently say, I would and could be happy. Every day I grow to love the man I married more and more. And every day, that goofy best friend of mine puts a smile on my face.

I'd be okay with no babies.

Because I have everything I need to be happy- right here, right now.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Sending love and happiness your way today.

Helene in Between

8 comments:

  1. That's an interesting perspective about IFV vs. adoption. I like it. Do you think all women worry that they won't be able to have kids? Because I'm the same as you, unjustifiably scared that I won't be able to have children when that time comes...

    ashleynicoleholmes.blogspot.com

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  2. I have cousins who ttc for 16 yrs and finally did the inventro or whatever it's called and finally had a set of twins. but if i couldn't conceive I'd definitely want to adopt or have lots of fur babies.

    http://hotpinkowl02.blogspot.com/2014/02/all-about-blogger.html

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  3. You will both be wonderful parents and any baby would be utterly blessed to land in your nest! God's timing. It's always perfect.
    MS

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  4. The thing is, adoption can be more expensive than IVF! I used to think if IUI's didn't work we would go straight to adoption, b/c all i really want is to be a mom. More than i want to experience pregnancy or birth, i want to just be a mom. But then i found out the cost of adoption. It's unreal. And it can take YEARS & YEARS just like infertility. Each story is different for each person.

    Just an idea, IUI w/ clomid is roughly $1500 (what we've done so far), IUI w/ injectables is $2900, IVF is 18-20k & adoption can be anywhere from 20-30k. Of a newborn. If you adopt an older child it can be cheaper. This is why IUI is our only option right now & if my last one didn't work we financially can't do another one.

    And, I don't mean this in a condescending way at ALL, but you are young. As you get older, your feelings could change. At 20-something i might have thought i would be okay without kids. Now, at almost 36, i don't feel that way at ALL. I feel like I will be devastated for the rest of my life if i can't have any kids. Now, of course, God can heal that & bring joy back. But right now i can't even think about the possibility or i will ... i can't even describe how it feels. And this has NO reflection on me & brad's marriage. We are the happiest couple i know. Haha. Seriously... you two are one of the rare couples that seem to have an amazing marriage like we do! :) But that doesn't change how i feel about wanting a kid.

    A lot of infertiles have a problem with people saying "just adopt!" when they talk about their infertility struggles. (I know you aren't saying that - just saying it's a common response.) & it's not a nice thing to say, because adoption is a difficult, stressful, emotional journey, too, not one that you can flippantly say, "oh, just adopt!" like it's an easy & cheap alternative. There is one girl who had such a sad adoption story that she started a blog series called "just adopt" & here is the latest post: http://www.bloglovin.com/frame?post=2082859855&group=0&frame_type=a&blog=11287233&link=aHR0cDovL2JhYnlmcmFuei5ibG9nc3BvdC5jb20vMjAxMy8xMi9qdXN0LWFkb3B0Lmh0bWw&frame=1&click=0&user=0

    I am not saying any of this to discourage you!! I like that you said you would grieve that loss, b/c it shows you understand that you would have to grieve that. But i just wanted to bring some of these points up. Adoption is a wonderful beautiful thing & something i have always had a heart for. But when you start the process of building your family, you never know what steps you will take (if it doesn't come easy) until you get there.

    Chances are, you won't have to worry about infertility at all. I hope you don't. I love that you are so happy with Chuck & i know you two will be great parents one day. :)

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  5. Yeah, adoption can be really expensive, as well. It's really quite sad that (and this is about to go slightly political and controversial) our government seems to be just fine with funding abortions, but can't find a way to help those that are struggling with infertility or raising the money to be able to adopt. It's absolutely appalling that adoption and fertility treatments are so expensive when babies are being killed left and right.

    /steps off soapbox.

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  6. struggling with infertility is something id never wish on anyone. of course we went through treatments to get our son, adoption still weighs heavily on both of our hearts! i hope we can do it someday. both are so expensive and that is just a royal pain in the ass. unfair. but what isn't?!

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  7. So, I was just reading through some of your other posts and I have to say this one really hits home with me. I have medical problems that may prevent me from being pregnant or even preclude me from adopting. My husband would be an amazing father and we talk about "if" we have kids, but as I read more blogs and books, I'm not sure if I am hurting or helping myself.

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