Everything in Moderation

I have officially been a graduate candidate in the field of Food Studies at Chatham University for three weeks. The weeks have been packed with scholarly articles, discussions of Marx and the capitalist system, as well as insight into exactly what a healthy diet looks like. Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot. Perhaps my most interesting insight, however, is my adoption of the belief of everything in moderation.

After my semester in Uganda, I was convinced that a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle was the means by which I could feed the planet. Okay, not by myself, but you get the idea. I did a lot of research into the relationship between world hunger and meat consumption, and the findings were mind-blowing. So many of our resources are going to produce more beef, poultry and dairy than we will ever need! We’re destroying our environment, producing tons of grain that is being used as feed, rather than feeding people and the stories coming out of industrialized farms will have you thinking second thoughts about taking a bite out of that cheeseburger.

My Toto in Uganda making ground nut sauce. It's harder than it looks!

The facts are there, and they’re astounding. As a society we’re eating more meat now than ever before in history. Our obesity and diet-related disease rates have sky-rocketed and yet, there is still so much need. It is true, a global vegan diet would free up vast amounts of our precious resources and supply enough food to feed the entire world. The problem is, (and I hate to admit this) a global vegan diet would not feed the world. For the past 3 years, I’ve been completely ignoring the small matter of distribution. Not because I wasn’t aware it was a problem, but because it was a much larger issue than I wanted to try and tackle. By simply focusing on the ethics of a plant-based diet, I could propose a positive solution without trying to devise a strategy to grapple with the massively unequal and unjust distribution system in our world.

Think about it. Our government is funding farmers through agricultural subsidies NOT to produce food because of the surplus we have in this country. Meanwhile, 25,000 children worldwide die EVERY DAY from malnutrition and deficiencies. This is the world that we live in.

So yes, if you want my opinion, it is completely unnecessary from a dietary and ethical standpoint to eat meat at every meal. It is completely unnecessary to eat meat every day. But will I grab a slice of turkey at the Thanksgiving table or have a hearty seafood dinner when I’m vacationing at the shore? You bet! Because the truth is, if I truly desire to feed the world, I must figure out how to overcome this socially unjust global food system we’ve found ourselves in. I’ve got another two years- I’ll let you know what I find out!

The Moment I Knew

In every relationship destined for marriage, there's that pivotal moment when you realize you've found "The One." Perhaps it's love at first sight, perhaps it's your first night apart when you learn that you don't know how to be without that person or maybe it's a result of nothing out-of-the-ordinary; just the knowledge that this person is your soulmate. For me, that moment happened on the fateful day of April 18, 2011...

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April 18, 2011

Typically, I’d be led to write something as introspective on my blog for the world to see, but this is a little too personal as of yet for my adoring cyber fans (…all two of them). Last night I came to a startling realization: Chuck is the man I’m going to marry. As his birthday festivities wound down, I found myself having a really nice conversation with his mother, Sherry. She had previously alluded to wanting to know what the future had in store for us and when she had me all to herself, she dropped the bomb on me- Chuck had confided in her that I was the one he was going to marry.

My heart dropped to my stomach and fear coursed through my veins. Fear because I felt inadequate to be anyone’s wife- especially in light of what an amazing man and husband Chuck is destined to be. Fear because I realized I was no longer 16 anymore and it was actually time for me to start becoming an adult. But mostly, fear that the life I’d never allowed myself to want for fear it would never happen was within my grasp and I trembled at the thought of losing it.

I spent much of the night later on, lying next to the man of my dreams, tossing and turning, recalling the conversation. I started out afraid that any marriage involving me would be doomed to fail, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized when I tore down the walls I’d built around my heart and opened myself up to the possibility of love four-ish months ago, God blessed me ten-fold.

So much of my life I’ve spent planning, analyzing and overthinking- all in an attempt to control my destiny and distract myself from the truest desires of my heart. Miraculously, through Chuck, God revealed to me that He knew all along what my wants and needs were and that His plan for my life was far better than anything I could’ve possibly imagined for myself. To witness that kind of love working in my undeserving life took my breath away.

So as I continued to ponder and as I utilized my Mommy’s wonderful and genuine advice I realized 1) God has granted me the opportunity to be extraordinarily happy, and 2) if I continue to open up my heart and trust in God’s plan for me, I’ve got this whole marriage thing in the bag.

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Every day something happens that reminds me why I love this man. Whether it's just a glimpse at his adorable face, hearing him attest to how much he believes in me or the moment it comes to light that we both ate out of the trash as kids...I can't wait to be his wife. 

I love you, Charles Albert Stuckert II.

Giving up the Best

I have officially been engaged for 8 days. On the one hand, I am anxious and impatient for our big day to arrive and on the other hand, I am in complete disbelief that I, Kaity Michelle Best, am getting married. Don’t you have to be a grown up to do that?! It would be a complete falsity to pretend like my head isn’t flooded with images of an outdoor wedding, with a flowing white dress surrounded by everyone I love. However, I’m finding that my biggest area of focus thus far has been on…the name change!

Let’s face it, I have the best last name ever and I’ll admit I’m a little reluctant to give it up. I’ve started contemplating all my options regarding my name. I could drop my middle name and be Kaity Best Stuckert, but that sounds a little funny to me. I could hyphenate: Kaity Michelle Best-Stuckert. But what a mouthful! I even got a little giddy when I realized you could smush our names together and create a new last name: Kaity Michelle Bestuckert! Well, that one just seemed silly.

I read somewhere that women who keep their maiden names have significantly higher incomes than women who choose to take their husband’s name. I guess it makes sense. The former women are probably less traditional and more career-driven than the latter so in this scenario, maybe by keeping the “Best,” I could be aiding my career. As un-traditional and ambitious as I may like to think I am, I do not want to be the kind of woman thought to put work before family.

Which brings me to my last option: I drop the “Best” and become Kaity Michelle Stuckert. I won’t deny, it actually sounds pretty nice, but if I want to make this kind of sacrifice and completely alter my identity for my husband, I better be sure in my conviction that this is the right choice for me. I started thinking of why women choose to take their husband’s name as their own. Tradition, mostly, I assume. But deeper than that, I believe women choose to abandon their birth name to submit and become one with their husband.

The word “submission” has always held a negative connotation to me. I am an independent, self-sufficient woman who detests the idea of any person having control over me. To me, “submission” has always sounded more like “indentured servitude.”  But I recalled a passage in the Bible that encouraged wives to submit to their husbands (and as foreign an object as the Bible is for me, I have to believe that the same God who loves me unconditionally would never desire a relationship for me where I was viewed as subordinate, powerless and inferior). My God created me as a reflection of love, grace and beauty. He also created my future husband to cherish my love, my grace, my beauty and even my lack thereof.

In Ephesians 5, Paul asks me to submit to my husband for he is the head of the household, like Christ is the head of the Church. He then goes on to ask my hubby-to-be to love me as Christ loves the Church that He sacrificed everything for. He tells my fiancé that he ought to love me as he loves himself and care for me the way he cares for himself. Finally, Paul writes, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

After reading this passage, I can’t help but notice that there is no hint of indentured servitude. What I do interpret however, is a loving God asking me to shed my pride and grab a slice of humble pie. He desires a marriage for me in which I care for my husband the absolute best that I can, and he promises the same to me. As we become one, all God seems to be asking of us is to model the same love in our relationship with each other, as Christ has so loved us. With all things considered, “Stuckert” doesn’t seem so bad… ;)