the power of positive thinking :)

About two weeks ago I sat on the couch on what I recall as a Sunday evening talking to my baby sister about absolutely nothing. As the conversation came to a momentary pause she decided to tell me, "So Mommy and I were talking about you the other day." At which point I sarcastically queried, "Okay. Was that the end of the story?" She preceded to tell me that both she and my mother had took note of the fact that I was becoming what could only be described as a "Negative Nelly" or "Debbie Downer." I was horrified as she continued on- not in a vindictive way, but in the honest and concerned way that only someone who has known me for the last 19 years of my life can do. I automatically became really upset, because I realized that what she was saying was absolutely true.

As we hung up the phone several minutes later, I remained on my couch and just wept. How did I let myself become such a miserable, unhappy person? How did I let it get to the point where I was actually affecting the lives of the people whom I love the most? And more importantly, how did it happen without me noticing? I started pondering the things that were making me so unhappy in my life, but realized soon after that my problem was not the fact that I needed to address the negative aspects of my life (I was doing enough of that already), but for whatever reason I had become completely oblivious to all the amazing, wonderful, positive gifts I was receiving.

I began telling my ex-boyfriend and currently one of my closest friends (and an example of one of the many blessings in my life) where I was at, and he shared that he was having similar troubles. I figured he was a good person to utilize in my goal of living more positively so I concocted a plan to make him my accountability partner and each day to share all the amazing things that were happening to me on a daily basis, that I had altogether been disregarding for the past few months. It was honestly, perhaps, one of the smartest things I've ever done. We've been going strong so far and not only is it an absolute pleasure to share the source of my happiness, but to rejoice in his as well.

Two weeks later and I'm high on life. I've begun meeting some fantastic people in Wilmington, and getting closer to existing friends. I'm determined to make the most of the next 6 months at my job and I'm plain and simple, an incredibly happy person. Perhaps the biggest reward has been the fact that my hyper-awareness of the blessings happening all around me has led me closer to God. I've been completely neglecting my spiritual relationship because of a petulant frustration with Christians as a whole. Last night was the first night I've prayed in a much longer time than I'd like to admit and I even began re-reading Blue Like Jazz to gain some more insight into my own faith. It would be an absolute understatement to say that I am incredibly blessed and happier than I've been in a very long time; and all because I decided to believe in the power of positive thinking :)

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