10.31.2013
10.29.2013
My Happiness Project
Have you ever read The
Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin? If not, you probably should. For
whatever reason, I spent the first couple chapters determined to not like this
writer. She seemed Type-A, privileged and someone I would never relate to in a
million years. And yet, as I kept reading, she kept pouring out all these
insightful truths that I could not ignore. Her research into what happiness is
and how it is attained caused me to reflect on how I could be a better wife to
my husband, what kind of parent I will be, and how to stay true to me in my very essence.
In chapter five, or in the month of May during her 12-month
Happiness Project, she ponders and pursues leisure.
By the end of the month Gretchen writes that she found fun to fall into three
categories:
“Challenging fun is the most rewarding but also the most demanding. It can create frustration, anxiety, and hard work. It often requires errands. It takes time and energy. In the end, however, it pays off with the most satisfying fun.Usually less challenging, but still requiring a fair bit of effort, is accommodating fun. A family trip to the playground is accommodating fun. Yes, it’s fun, but I’m really there because my children want to go…It strengthens relationships, it builds memories, it’s fun- but it takes a lot of effort, organization, coordination with other people, and, well, accommodation.Relaxing fun is easy. I don’t have to hone skills or take action…Watching TV- the largest consumer of the world’s time after sleeping and work- is relaxing fun.”
This really struck a chord with me. Virtually all of my fun
is “relaxing fun.” I would prefer to stay home and read a book than enjoy the
company of others. Because we currently don’t have the internet or TV hooked up
at our new house, I’ve been spending much of my time, when I’m not sleeping or
working, reading. And I legitimately enjoy it. It makes me happy.
But on the laundry list of things I’d like to do- all of them are “challenging fun,” or things that
require energy and investment, so they remain undone. For years, I’ve dreamed
about running a 5k, and maybe one day, even a half marathon. Yet my running
shoes remain neglected. I’ve promised my mother a scrapbook of my wedding (over
a year ago) that remains untouched. I want to teach myself to sew, and my
sewing machine is still boxed up. My laziness, selfishness and fear of failure
have left me in the realm of superficial “relaxing fun” when being able to
check any of the above off my laundry list of “One day I will”’s would make me
elatedly happy.
10.27.2013
Bad Habits
Chuck and I have been together nearly three years. And in
those three years there has virtually been one thing that we continue to fight
about: smoking. Before Chuck and I got together, he was a pack-a-day kind of
smoker. I always said that smoking was a non-negotiable for me- I would never
date a smoker. Well, somehow, either due to his complete diligence or my
complete obliviousness, I had no idea he smoked until about two months into our
relationship when I discovered the pack in his pants pocket while we lay
cuddling on my couch.
When we began living together in our first Pittsburgh
apartment- he virtually quit cold turkey. He never smoked inside (or outside)
our home, and to the best of my knowledge never smoked while at work either.
The only time it happened was when we visited his family or they visited us.
Years later, we’re back in his Ohio hometown and the smoking has all but
ceased. I’m actively trying to make my peace with his habit and compromise as
best I can. Let me say, it’s not easy, folks. I detest smoking…and somehow I
wound up as part of a family where it’s a regular occurrence. I think it’s
God’s way of showing me how to look past something I’ve grown to hate so much,
and just love on the people in my life.
While reading The
Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, recently, I happened upon a thought: I
spend way more time being resentful and offended by Chuck’s less-than-savory
habits than I do being grateful and appreciative for his wonderful behaviors. I
also have a much easier time seeking out his faults than I do my own. Because
I’ve always been very academic, and Chuck, less so, I find myself being really
damn condescending sometimes. I interrupt him regularly, based on this notion I
have that what I have to say is more important than his thoughts. I patronize
him frequently, always believing that my way is best.
The fact of the matter is, most days, Chuck is a much better
person that I am. He’s sunny, fun to be around and just loves on everyone he
comes into contact with. He sees the best in people and views every social
encounter as an opportunity to learn. Not to mention, he’s a wonderful husband.
He does the dishes with no prodding from his adoring wife, yet doesn’t nag me
when I neglect to do the same. His heart breaks every time I start crying and
he’ll drop what he’s doing to attend to my emotional well-being. He’s
committed, doting and more than I deserve most of the time.
So, while it would be laughable to think our smoking-induced
arguments are near over, it is time that I loved Chuck the way he deserves to
be loved. By letting the negative stuff slide sometimes, and devoting more
energy to acknowledging the positives. Our love, our happiness and our marriage
depend on it.
10.23.2013
Something I Will Never Do
There is little in this life that I won't try at least once.
Eating squid? Check.
Skinny dipping? Check.
But there is one thing I have sworn to myself that I will never do.
Let it be known that I will never buy a Nook. Or a Kindle. Or whatever other traitor to books Apple inevitably develops (they probably already have, I am so not tech-savvy).
Some of my fondest childhood memories are the hot, sticky summer days when my Grandma would drop my sister and I off at the gloriously air-conditioned local library where we would spend hours on end poring over all the selections in the beautiful Children's Room. Just happening upon the literary murals adorning the walls stirred up my imagination and pleaded my entrance into a world of adventure and wonder.
There is something so romantic and heartwarming about stumbling into a little hole-in-the-wall book store. Fingertips grazing the spines of those stories loved and lost by their audiences. Offering up their words to each passerby. Begging to be heard and hoping to change each reader forever.
I have had many a friend or acquaintance tell me, "I always thought I was a book-lover, too, but it'll grow on you." But the truth is, I never want it to. I want a bookshelf with warped-paged novels, doggy-eared cookbooks and stories waiting to be shared with a friend or neighbor.
Kindles can suck it. I am a bookworm through and through.
10.21.2013
Happy Birthday, Sparks!
My sister and I share an inside joke that one day we're going to get matching red fern tattoos. The joke is a reference to Where the Red Fern Grows and the fact that if one of us died, the other would likely die of a broken heart.
My sister is my favorite person in the entire world (shh...don't tell Chuck!) She gets my weird, goofy, nerdy self and makes me laugh like no else can. She is hilarious, kind and probably the most likable person you could ever meet. While she always looked up to me as the eldest sibling, the truth has always been, that I have spent my entire life envying her infectious spirit. She is the kind of person that lights up a room when she walks into it. Which she will never acknowledge, but Kelly, it's true.
Anywho, the moral of this story is I love my sister to pieces and am so thankful she was born today.
10.16.2013
One Year Anniversary Photoshoot
Way back in the day when our one year anniversary was looming, I decided I wanted to surprise Chuck with a photoshoot on the North Shore of Pittsburgh. I wanted to commemorate our life together in Pittsburgh (little did I know, not only days later I would accept a new position in Ohio!) I found an inexpensive, local photographer because I had zero connections in the Steel City, and as it turned out, we totally hit the jackpot.
Amy of Amy Dugan Photography could not have been sweeter and she totally allowed us to be our weirdo, goofy selves throughout the hour we spent with her.
Now that we're settled in Ohio, I am so stinkin' glad I had the idea to document our time in Pittsburgh! Plus, we got great pictures that we can't wait to use for Christmas cards.
Be prepared for photo overload...
Thanks again, Amy!
10.12.2013
Miss Me Yet?
I think I'm finally back...more or less. Not only did I move to a new state and begin a brand new job this week. But in the midst of all the scuffle, my laptop has officially died, reducing our household to one lone computer (#firstworldproblem, much?). In hopes of reducing unnecessary expenses until our finances stabilize a little bit, we also haven't turned our internet on yet. Which begs the question...what do you do without internet?!
Thankfully Chuck's parents have been saving our asses every step of this move, and have opened up their home to us for unlimited internet, washer/dryer usage and yummy home-cooked food! It's been hectic to say the least, and our home is still not even close to resembling orderly. But we've got a roof over our head, food in our bellies and lots of blessings to celebrate!
Work this week was great. Starting a new job is never easy, but I really get the sense that I work for an employer that truly values its employees and cares about their well-being. My first week was spent orienting myself to the different departments of the food bank and their respective functions. Next week, I'm preparing to dive head first into my actual program responsibilities. I seriously scored a fantastic position, coordinating the food bank's community garden, as well as overseeing all the fresh food programs. Dream job.
Although the government shutdown hit us straight in out pocketbooks, it's also been a blessing in many ways. It's given my Mother-in-Law (also a federal employee) the opportunity to help Chuck with organizing our new pad and to just spend long overdue time together. I can't begin to tell you how amazing she's been to us.
Aside, from that I've been loving spending time with the in-laws, watching my guys play live music at my favorite local spots, and I've finally gotten back into reading (thank you internet-less home). My life is blessed, folks. And it feels really good to be back!
10.04.2013
I Went to Counseling Last Night
Not because I'm depressed. Not because I have no one to talk to. Not even because I wanted to take advantage of my health insurance while I still have it.
But because I genuinely believe in counseling. And because I genuinely needed help sorting out my thoughts. I didn't go in with an agenda. I had no pre-rehearsed diatribes. I went because I wanted a sound board.
I wanted someone who I could word vomit all over without being emotionally compromised by their response. I wanted someone who I knew I couldn't hurt and who wouldn't unintentionally hurt me. I wanted someone who could enable me to dissect the fears, the apprehension, the stress and the worry. So I made an appointment. And last night, I went to counseling.
At the end of our appointment she asked me to summarize our time together in one word. I chose the word relief.
I feel relief in knowing that one day our finances won't be this abysmal. Maybe not tomorrow, or the next day, but some day.
I feel relief in knowing that the social anxiety I've developed over the last two years of living alone in Pittsburgh may soon come to pass as my friends and family in Ohio eagerly await our arrival.
I feel relief in knowing that I have no reason to distrust Chuck's devotion to our marriage and shouldn't until he were to prove otherwise.
I feel relief in knowing that all of my jobs thus far have been aiding in my growth as a professional and slowly leading me toward my dream job.
I feel relief in knowing I am a valuable employee.
I feel relief in knowing that although there are so many stressful things outside of my control right now, they are exactly that: outside of my control.
I feel relief as I give my fears and anxieties over to God.
Post-appointment bliss. |
At the end of our appointment she asked me to summarize our time together in one word. I chose the word relief.
I feel relief in knowing that one day our finances won't be this abysmal. Maybe not tomorrow, or the next day, but some day.
I feel relief in knowing that the social anxiety I've developed over the last two years of living alone in Pittsburgh may soon come to pass as my friends and family in Ohio eagerly await our arrival.
I feel relief in knowing that I have no reason to distrust Chuck's devotion to our marriage and shouldn't until he were to prove otherwise.
I feel relief in knowing that all of my jobs thus far have been aiding in my growth as a professional and slowly leading me toward my dream job.
I feel relief in knowing I am a valuable employee.
I feel relief in knowing that although there are so many stressful things outside of my control right now, they are exactly that: outside of my control.
I feel relief as I give my fears and anxieties over to God.
10.02.2013
Dear Pittsburgh
Dear Pittsburgh,
The passing lane is for passing. Just thought you oughta know.
Dear Pittsburgh,
Thank you for putting fries on everything.
Dear Pittsburgh,
'Yinz' is not a word. Sorry.
Dear Pittsburgh,
Your library system is bomb.
Also, your sheer number of used book stores makes me want to weep tears of joy.
Dear Pittsburgh,
Your pothole-filled brick streets are not cute.
Dear Pittsburgh,
WYEP may just be the best radio station ever.
Dear Pittsburgh,
Thanks for all the awesome date nights.
Dear Pittsburgh,
It's been real.
Thank you for the good times, the not-as-good times and everything in between.
Although home is beckoning our return, the past two years have been such a blessing.
We'll miss you :)
10.01.2013
Bad News and Silver Linings
You'd have to be living under a rock to not know what's going on with the current federal government shutdown. National parks and museums are closed, 800,000 federal workers have been furloughed (sent home without pay) and millions of Americans are being seriously inconvenienced by Congress' complete lack of sense and compromise.
I could rant about this, and believe me, I had written an entire pissed-off diatribe in my head after I helped close down my office and drove back home this morning. You see, I'm one of those 800,000 federal workers and this week was my last week with the USDA before I start my new job on Monday. To leave my place of employment this way sucks. And the fact that I have to sit at home twiddling my thumbs and virtually watching my next paycheck steadily decrease while our elected officials sit around bickering with their heads up their asses is truly and utterly unfair.
*Pause*
Breathe, Kaity.
I don't want to resort to anger, I've done enough of that already, and it's just not productive. But I'm pretty bummed out to say the least, and this hit to our finances couldn't come at a worse time while we plan to make our final move to Ohio this weekend.
I guess I'll look at the silver lining, which is the fact that I get to come to this place. With moving consuming our lives, my blog has very apparently taken a backseat.
So here I am, with a head swirling with ideas for upcoming blog posts and a heart asking for your prayers as Chuck and I try to navigate this difficult season in our life together.
This picture is not at all relevant...but my husband and baby nephew are beyond adorable.
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