1.10.2012

Make Me Feel So Damn Unpretty

I ask that everyone take this with a grain of salt because I do tend to get over-emotional during that...time...of...the...month. But here's the thing- I don't feel pretty.

There, I said it. I'm complaining about superficial, petty nonsense when there are legitimate problems in the world. But I can't seem to get it off of my mind. 

Everyone goes through their awkward period as a youngin'. Most awkward phases last a handful of years. Mine lasted at least 10. My head was too big for my body. My teeth were too big for my head. And my braces...for 6 and 1/2 years...were too big for my teeth. Simply put, I looked like a goofball throughout grade school.

Thank goodness my Youth Group friends still wanted to associate with me!
Then something happened. I went to college. Suddenly, I was still that awkward teenager but in the body of someone slightly more attractive. I got dolled up with friends for nights at clubs and college parties. And I received attention. I went home the summer after freshman year and people who hadn't said a word to me in high school wanted to get to know me. Without sounding completely vain, in college, I was pretty.

Me and Momma St.J in our prime ;)
Upon graduating, I moved to small-town Ohio where I continued to be pretty until...one day...I awoke to a face full of acne and blemishes. They haven't gone away. I also met a boy and started spending more time in the throws of young love then at the gym. In the last month, the boy who once thought me the hottest thing on earth has witnessed me perform more bodily functions than I care to mention. Which brings me to today: I don't feel pretty.

Taken at Thanksgiving. I detest this picture.
Is this just something I should become accustomed to as one-half of a serious, committed couple? Should I expect my days of getting dolled up and showing off my ever-so-slender legs to be over and done with? Gosh! How am I even going to handle pregnancy and life with kids?! I guess I'm just hoping for some reassurance from some married wives and Mommies...do you still feel pretty?

4 comments:

  1. Augh...I still have that dress hanging in my closet, I WILL wear it again!!!

    Last night Jon and I went out to dinner, and I spent an hour thinking about how I only have one pair of jeans, and no shoe options. Tons of heels with dust on them, but I loathe them these days. I wanted to care, I wanted to spend an hour doing my makeup and hair, I wanted to feel like a million bucks.

    Did I? not really. Jon told me I was beautiful and we had a wonderful time. My issue with feeling pretty is my weight- until I get in a good place with that, after baby#2, I don't think "pretty" is something I'll feel for awhile.

    That being said- once you are a wife, and a mother- how you feel about yourself isn't determined by "pretty" or "unpretty." It's was I a good wife today? was I a good mom? was I frugal? was I gracious? I'll catch a glimpse of myself walking out the door, no makeup, no fancy clothes, I don't oh I'm ugly. I think "I'm mom." and that's good enough...most days :)

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  2. I can relate completely to your struggle for pretty. Although, I never had a time where I did feel especially attractive, my freshman year of college I was in the best shape I've ever been in so that's close enough. After getting married and not having a job I spent very little time out of the house, let alone off the couch...and before I knew it I was carrying an extra 10 pounds around. I was (and for the most part still am) unmotivated to work out, to eat well, to put on real pants in the morning, to do my hair or makeup. And the less pretty I felt the less motivated I was. Not having a job and not having "my own money" to go get my hair done or a pedicure or a new outfit - things I used to do to help me feel pretty - doesn't help. But working out does! I've just begun to get back to the gym and it feels great. Being healthy is probably the best thing I've found to combat the ugly blues. Even though I haven't magically dropped 15 pounds in the 4 days I've been to the gym is does make me feel better about myself. And oddly enough depriving myself of fatty, sugary, bad-for-me foods is helping too! While I know Jon will always love me whether I'm fat or skinny or without makeup and in sweats or dressed up for a ball, sometimes it helps too to just dress up a little for no good reason so when he comes home from work he'll be surprised and tell me how pretty I look! So superficial I know, but it's important to feel good about yourself not only for you, but for your partner as well!

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  3. First, you are beautiful! I was just thinking as I was looking at your header before scrolling down how very pretty you are. I'm a little jealous ;-)

    I've gone wildly back and forth on this my whole life. I was an ugly kid. And I'm not exaggerating. I don't have any pictures, but take my word for it. I had sandy hair cut into an aweful mullet, and a thick, jet black unibrow that I started plucking probably two years later than i should have.

    When MacGyver and I started dating, I thought he was totally out of my league because I felt, at best, plain. I was average looking. Period.

    But now, I look back at picures of myself in college and law school, and I was pretty darned cute. I'm no knockout, but I was prettier then than I realized.

    When I was pregnant, I felt very pretty. I LOVED being pregnant. I didn't feel sexy *at all*, but I loved being pregnant and though I was super adorable in maternity clothes.

    Breastfeeding sucked all the baby weight off of me, and for probably the first time in my life I felt really beautiful. I don't know what it is. My body is not much different than it was before (though my chest is a little bigger from the aforementioned breastfeeding), my skin is a little more weathered and I have a wrinkle that gives me fits. But really, I feel much more beautiful.

    Sure, I have days where I feel like a total slob and don't even want people to look at me. I think that's just a US Americal Female malady.

    But, if it's any consolation, at least in my case, getting older and having a baby actually made me feel better about my looks.

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  4. All I'm gonna say is, What the heck are you talking about? YOU GOT MY TOTALLY AWESOME GENES! :)

    Mommy

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