11.05.2011

The Slavery of Choice

I've been having trouble in grad school. I love the content of my studies. I expect to be challenged and stretched to my limit. But my struggle stems from something else. I cannot focus. I figured my first few weeks trying the school thing again would take some adjusting, but I'm finding that with only a handful of weeks left in my semester, I'm just as lost as I was when I began!

I looked back on my time in Uganda, remembering it was easily my most productive semester. First, obviously because I was passionate about my studies. But honestly, what it came down to was the fact that there was nothing else to do but homework. The internet was sporadic at best and it's not like I was going into town or taking a matatu to Kampala everyday. It was simply because I had little choice with what to do with my life after class let out. This was also why I began running nightly. I was in the best shape of my life- physically and mentally.

I think that's my problem. I'm so distracted and unable to focus on my studies because I can choose not to do homework and spend hours on Facebook, Hulu or write a blog. Because I have such freedom, I've become paralyzed by it. I've become a slave to choice. Now, clearly, it's also due to a severe lack of discipline on my end. But I wonder what my life would look like did I not have the choice to spend time internet surfing, texting, driving anywhere I please on a whim.

There are a host of obstacles that continue to distract me from my schoolwork. (You're looking at one right now). But it is solely up to me to combat these demons of procrastination. Perhaps a shift in my thinking about how I choose to spend my time will enable me to be the best student I can be. Here's hoping!

2 comments:

  1. Oh Kaity! The challenge we all face...is discipline really freedom? That is what I've been taught and what I know to be true. However, when faced with uncontrolled freedom, do we choose to be disciplined? Rarely. It's available, but it takes....discipline!
    To take a limited time frame and say, "This is allI am going to do." is HARD! To choose not to be distracted by all of the many things calling our name, (FB, Twitter, LinkedIn, Cell Phones, Land Lines, TV Shows or Netflix) is HARD! However, the freedom comes when we say, "Ah, I want you, but you are going to wait. I am going to take 15 mins, 30 mins, 1 hr and do nothing else but the task at hand and THEN, when I CHOOSE, will turn my mind to you." That is discipline and with it comes emince freedom.
    The Israelites wandered around the SAME MOUNTAIN for 40 years. It was NOT a huge amount of space - say a mile! And yet they wandered wondering when they would find freedom. When would they finally BELIEVE?
    We are Israel, wondering when it will happen. It happens, when we say, "This is what I have to do. And I will not be distracted by anything else, no matter how appealing, until my job is done.
    You can do it!Just take one step a a time and don't give up. Persevere.
    Yes, you have CHOICE, do NOT let it rule you or make you a slave. That would be giving up.
    Start small. 15 min increments, expand to 20-30 if it is warranted.
    This is the story of working in your home office. Trust me, it works. :) I love you, Sher

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  2. I think its great that you spent a semester in Uganda. I always thought it would be cool to study abroad somewhere.

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